Sugarcane

Three impressive-looking holoscreens occupy a large portion of one wall.<<stopvideo>>\n\nThe two smaller lateral screens remain on static images of an [[ominous red ring|CorporationLogo]] and a [[planetary symbol|PlanetaryInteraction]] respectively. \n\nThe [[widescreen central display|WidescreenTV]] is cycling silently through a number of images and information bulletins. \n\nThere does not seem to be a volume control or a porn channel. \n\nYou scratch your head.\n\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

Forcing your eyelids apart is a surprisingly difficult act and even though blurred images fill your view, you can't be certain if it is your eyes that are doing the seeing.\n\nThe word ''"LOADING"'' emblazoned across the image before you adds weight to the idea that someone is messing with your vision - they've got some nerve. Your optic one, it seems.\n\nSuddenly, there is the sound of a flushing toilet and your vision [[begins to clear...|DockingPermissionGranted]]<<stopvideo>>

''"YOUR ASSERTION OF OWNERSHIP IS INCORRECT. UNDER THE TERMS OF SERVICE AND END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT ALL ASSETS TO WHICH YOU CLAIM OWNERSHIP REMAIN THE PROPERTY OF CCP. THIS INCLUDES YOUR CAPSULE, YOUR AVATAR AND YOUR SOUL. YOU HAVE BEEN - AND WILL REMAIN - QUITE LITERALLY //OWNED//."''\n\nDespite the monotonous speech, you can't help feeling the drone is trying not to sound smug.\n\n''"ESTIMATED TIME TO PASSENGER DISMOUNT: <<print $ascent>>0 SECONDS."''\n<<set $ascent = $ascent - 1>>\n<<if $ascent gt 0>>\n -- [[Say, "How can I have been so blind? This whole experience is just an elaborate ploy to steal my life away. There's only one way I can win," and jump again.|JumpAgain]]\n -- [[That's outrageous, I've got rights! I'll contact a lawyer and straighten this out, that's for sure."|Lawyer]]\n -- [["Whatever. Could you drop me off on the lower capsule platform? I need to fix my pod."|DropOff]]\n\nor:\n -- [[Wait silently to be returned to your quarters.|ReturntoBalcony]]\n -- [[Jump again|JumpAgain]]\n<<else>>\n<<display "ArriveBalcony">>\n<<endif>><<stopvideo>>

...Loading ''EVE Online: The Text Adventure'' launcher.\n\n[img[Launcher.jpg]]\n \nInstalling ''Chapter One: The Broken Capsule''. Hang on a mo.\n-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------\nWARNING: We can't guarantee this won't scramble your boot.ini, delete all your settings or give you a taste for rotten shark. It might be fine, but on a scale of nought-to-Tuxford, things could get messy. \n\nJust sayin'.\n \n[[...CLICK HERE TO COMPLETE UPDATE.|LauncherUpdate]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPGuardSmall.jpg]]\n\n"I'm sorry. It was my understanding that capsuleers did not -ahem- purge themselves in the traditional manner and that all bodily waste was dealt with through homeostatic rebalancing in the capsule environment. In short, you don't need toilets."\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [[Say: "Oh, right. Yeah, I knew that. Thanks." and hang up.|Intercom]]\n -- [[Shout: "That's not the point. I want the right to take a crap! Even if I can't!"|RightToCrap]]<<stopvideo>>

Pressing the "AUTO" button resets the grapples, causing them to momentarily power down. Without a harness or other safety equipment, your grip on the smooth, curved surface of the capsule is lost, and [[you fall...|HangarJump2]]<<stopvideo>>

You just don't get it do you? Things have changed around here. Don't think you can just do something sensible and expect it to work. THIS IS INNOVATION!\n\n...No wait, they changed it. THIS IS ITERATION!\n\nShip spinning is over-rated and, although they brought it back after a brief exile, you can't do it here in honour of one of the really bonkers decisions from what we'll call CCP's Age of Hubris. Deal with it.\n\nSpin around on the spot if it makes you feel better.\n\nInstead, you can:\n\n -- [[Return to the centre of the balcony.|OMG]]\n -- [[Log off in disgust and head to the forums to start a threadnaught.|https://forums.eveonline.com]]<<stopvideo>>

Standing in the central mezzanine of your quarters, you survey the surrounding room. It's hardly the Metropolis Ritz. The decor ranges from dreary to non-existent (along with the ceiling panels) and there is little evidence of the last time a cleaner was in, if ever.\n\n[[Three large holoscreens|Holoscreens]] take up the far wall and an [[uncomfortable looking couch|Couch]] sits before them in the centre of the room. Immediately in front of the couch is a [[coffee table|CoffeeTable]] with a number of devices upon it. \n\nIn the far corner is a [[full-length mirror|Mirror]] with a suspicious [[gas|Vent]] leaking from a [[vent|Vent]] immediately above it. \n\nAn [[unmade single bed|Bed]], hopefully un-soiled, resides in an alcove. \n\nThere are [[digital display panels|DigitalDisplayPanels]] on both sides of the room and a number of [[425mm ammunition shell casings|AmmoBins]] are scattered around.\n\nOff to one side is a short corridor leading to a [[closed door|CQExitDoor]] and immediately behind you is the [[open doorway|CQDoorway]] leading to the ramp and balcony.\n\nDo your thing.<<stopvideo>>

/*\n \nTwineTubular\nA twine macro for making YouTube powered background images\nHacked mercilessly into twine by Jonathan Prior\nhttp://jonathanprior.com\n \nHOW TO USE\n \n<<playvideo RWgg5-kUSho 0>>\n \nargument 1 is the ID of the YT video\nargument 2 is the time you want to start the video at in seconds\nargument 3 should be "loop" if you want the video to loop\nargument 4 should be "sound" if you want sound from the video\n \nso for a video that skips ahead to 20 seconds and loops:\n \n<<playvideo RWgg5-kUSho 20 loop>>\n \nfor the same video as above, but with sound:\n \n<<playvideo RWgg5-kUSho 20 loop sound>>\n \nfor the same video as above, with sound but not looping:\n \n<<playvideo RWgg5-kUSho 20 noloop sound>>\n \nThe video plays automatically throughout the passage you include it in.\n \nTo stop the video, in the next passage, use the <<stopvideo>> macro\n \n*/\n \nwindow._tubular = undefined;\nwindow.jquery_url = 'https://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/libs/jquery/2.0.0/';\n \nvar s = document.createElement('script');\ns.src = jquery_url + 'jquery.min.js';\ns.onload = function f(){\n if (jQuery) {\n jQuery.noConflict();\n }\n}\ndocument.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(s);\n \nif (!document.getElementById("ytjs")) {\n var tag = document.createElement('script');\n tag.src = "https://www.youtube.com/iframe_api";\n tag.id = "ytjs";\n var firstScriptTag = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0];\n firstScriptTag.parentNode.insertBefore(tag, firstScriptTag);\n} else {\n try {\n window.onYouTubeIframeAPIReady();\n } catch(e) {\n void(0);\n }\n}\n \nmacros["playvideo"]={\n handler: function(place, macroName, params, parser) {\n /* jQuery tubular plugin\n |* by Sean McCambridge\n |* http://www.seanmccambridge.com/tubular\n |* version: 1.0\n |* updated: October 1, 2012\n |* since 2010\n |* licensed under the MIT License\n |* Enjoy.\n |*\n |* Thanks,\n |* Sean */\n \n ;(function ($, window) {\n \n // test for feature support and return if failure\n \n // defaults\n var defaults = {\n ratio: 16/9, // usually either 4/3 or 16/9 -- tweak as needed\n videoId: 'ZCAnLxRvNNc', // toy robot in space is a good default, no?\n mute: true,\n repeat: true,\n width: $(window).width(),\n wrapperZIndex: 99,\n playButtonClass: 'tubular-play',\n pauseButtonClass: 'tubular-pause',\n muteButtonClass: 'tubular-mute',\n volumeUpClass: 'tubular-volume-up',\n volumeDownClass: 'tubular-volume-down',\n increaseVolumeBy: 10,\n start: 0\n };\n \n // methods\n \n var tubular = function(node, options) { // should be called on the wrapper div\n var options = $.extend({}, defaults, options),\n $body = $('body') // cache body node\n $node = $(node); 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As exciting as these potentially explosive objects seemed at first, closer investigation reveals that all vestiges of their previous function as a ammunition for massive cruiser-class autocannons has been removed. \n\nThe shell casings have been converted for use as foot-stools and/or general storage containers.\n\nOnce designed to hand someone their arse, now relegated to supporting one.\n\n<<if $DreamState>>\n -- [[Sit on the shell casing.|SitOnShellDream]]\n -- [[Stand on the shell casing.|StandOnShell]]\n -- [[Investigate something else|QuartersCentre]].\n<<else>>\n -- [[Sit on the shell casing.|SitOnShell]]\n -- [[Stand on the shell casing.|StandOnShell]]\n -- [[Investigate something else|QuartersCentre]].\n<<endif>>

The ammo stool is surprisingly comfortable and you allow yourself a few moments of quiet contemplation as your gaze wanders around the room.\n\n -- [[Stand up|AmmoBins]]\n\n

[img[Freddie.jpg]]\n\nA disinterested and camp male voice speaks with a slight lisp;\n\n"''C''apsuleer ''C''are and ''P''rotection. You're through to room service, thith is Stevie speaking. How can I help you?"\n\nSay:\n\n[["I want to order some food."|OrderFood]]\n[["Can you arrange for me to have some 'company'?"|Company]]\n[["I want to make a complaint."|ComplaintRoomService]]\n\nor:\n\n-- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[Freddie.jpg]]\n\n"I'm sorry, if you mean what I think you mean, we don't offer that kind of service. Nudge nudge, wink wink. You'll have to go down to the entertainment decks for that kind of thing.\n\nIs there anything else I can help you with?"\n\nSay:\n\n[["How can I go down to the entertainment decks! I can't open my bloody door!"|ComplaintRoomService]]\n[["I want to order some food."|OrderFood]]\n[["I want to make a complaint."|ComplaintRoomService]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>\n\n

<<stopvideo>><<playvideo FZPCiqBLPM8 0 noloop sound>> -- [[Next holovid.|ChangeChannel]]\n -- [[Examine another holoscreen.|Holoscreens]]\n

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\nNed sighs, "Well we thought we had fixed it, having voided every contaminated deck twice, but the gas keeps coming back. \n\n"Our scientists analysing the particles are working on the current hypothesis that anaerobic bacteria has mutated as a result of Trebor wearing his underpants continuously for over a week. \n\n"To survive, the bacteria learned to coat itself in the material the underpants were made of. This may have resulted in a super bacteria that is essentially wearing tiny Quafe underpants and can generate its own atmosphere. They are still unsure what effect the gas will have on human physiology.\n\n"I hope that answer is sufficient. I really can't tell you any more."\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["Who the hell is Trebor and why doesn't he own more underwear?"|WhoTrebor]]\n -- [["There is gas leaking into my quarters above the mirror, should I be worried?"|GasLeak]]\n -- [["If there are issues with maintaining a safe atmosphere, why can't I seal off my room from the hangar?"|BalconyDoors]]\n -- [["I'll take my chances with your fartbug gas, open this damn door."|LetMeOut]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[EVELogo_small.jpg]]\n''THE TEXT ADVENTURE''\n\nChapter One: The Broken Capsule

''"SCANNING FOR ID... CROSS-REFERENCING..."'' There is a pause as you continue your drone-borne rise. \n\n''"ENGINEER STATUS CONFIRMED. HOWEVER STATION RECORDS SHOW YOU ARE THREE DAYS OVERDUE ON YOUR ASSIGNMENTS AND ARE AWAITING DISCIPLINARY REVIEW."''\n\n''"ESTIMATED TIME TO PASSENGER DISMOUNT: <<print $ascent>>0 SECONDS."''\n<<set $ascent = $ascent - 1>>\n<<if $ascent gt 0>>\nSay:\n -- [["Oh, that's terrible news. Never mind, can you drop me off on the capsule platform anyway?"|PlatformDismount]]\n\nor:\n -- [[Wait silently to be returned to your quarters.|ReturntoBalcony]]\n -- [[Jump again|JumpAgain]]\n<<else>>\n<<display "ArriveBalcony">>\n<<endif>><<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPGuardSmall.jpg]]\n\n"We take great pride in offering a wide variety of station services for your use and enjoyment. I have uploaded a list of currently available services to your intercom display. Please select one for further information."\n\n"All facilities are available twenty-four-hours-a-day and no prior booking is required for capsuleers. Just visit the venue of your choice and the staff will do everything they can to accommodate you."\n\n"I'll leave you to browse but please call back if there is anything else I can help you with."\n\nThe call ends. The intercom display displays the following options:\n>>>>>>> ------------------------\n>>>>>>> -- FACILITIES MENU --\n>>>>>>> ------------------------\n>>>>>>> [[CORPORATE SUITES|Corporate]]\n>>>>>>>[[SPORTS & ACTIVITIES|Sports]]\n>>>>>>> [[EATERIES AND BARS|Eateries]]\n>>>>>>>>> [[BACK|Intercom]]\nor:\n\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

Your attempts to use your mouth are frustrating and uncomfortable and certainly don't deliver the expected result. You can't be sure that moving your jaw hasn't just sent an email or colonised a planet.\n\nOn the plus side, you did manage a feeble "glub" noise, despite the endotracheal tube in your gullet. You should be proud.\n\nAny other bright ideas?\n\n -- [[Grab something.|Limbs]]\n -- [[Open your eyes.|Loading]]\n -- [[Wait patiently.|Waiting]]\n -- [[Kick something.|Limbs]]<<stopvideo>>\n

Looking through the list of missions, they all have a horribly familiar ring to them; that bloody stupid Damsel has got herself into trouble again, Enemies are still Abound, the gate is still Blockaded and the Angels just won't stop with the Extravaganzas. \n\nThere might not be much to do in this room, but surely even you aren't that bored.\n\nDo yourself a favour and [[do something else.|CoffeeTable]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[Freddie.jpg]]\n\n"Ooh, watching your figure are you, darling? Don't blame you love, you know what they say, 'a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.' Not that there's anything wrong with fat bottoms. Fnah, fnah.\n\n"Ahem. I'll have that right up."\n\nWith that, the line goes dead.\n\n -- [[Back to the intercom menu.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

This is an ashtray. It is dirty.\n\n -- [[Continue to peruse the coffee table.|CoffeeTable]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

<<stopvideo>><<playvideo rbhAecojuD4 0 noloop sound>> -- [[Next holovid.|ChangeChannel2]]\n -- [[Examine another holoscreen.|Holoscreens]]

''ERROR!''\n\nI'm sorry, you are inexplicably incapable of performing this action. Perhaps your capsuleer has a disability or maybe they're just really lazy, it's never been explained.\n\nPlease select the ''BACK'' option in your browser and try to make a more reasonable decision.<<stopvideo>>

You drop away from the capsule platform, hurtling toward the the distant hard-deck hundreds of metres below.\n\nA station security drone appears and matches your descent velocity. \n\nAs it speaks, you realise it's cold, metallic voice might be the last you ever hear.\n\n''"CAPSULEER, YOUR RIGHT TO SUICIDE HAS BEEN REVOKED DUE TO REPEATED ABUSES OF THE GRAVITIONAL SYSTEM AND THE COST OF THE CLEAN-UP WILL BE DEDUCTED FROM YOUR WALLET BALANCE ALONG WITH A PUNANTIVE FINE. THIS FACILITY HEREBY CLAIMS ALL SALVAGE RIGHTS TO ANY RECOVERABLE TISSUES AND ORGANS AFTER IMPACT. PLEASE STATE IF YOU DO NOT AG..."''\n\n[[---GRAB---|GrabDroid]]\n[[---SPLAT---|Splat]]<<stopvideo>>

You engage just the right combination of muscle groups to trigger a worrisome reaction, which doesn't seem to be stopping.\n\nAn alert response from Aura - the disembodied female voice who hangs around in your head stating the obvious, echoes in your mind;\n\n''"Warning: Biomass process initiated. Do you want to proceed?"''\n\nThe amniotic fluid surrounding you seems to have more bubbles than before.\n\n -- [[Proceed.|BioMassProcess]]\n -- [[Relax.|BioMassCancel]] \n\n<<screenShake 5000>><<stopvideo>>

<<stopvideo>><<playvideo ehN1eS6HSro 0 noloop sound>> -- [[Next holovid.|ClearSkies3]]\n -- [[Examine another holoscreen.|Holoscreens]]

The manual recalibration of the clamps' field of influence causes some strange noises to emanate from the capsule hull - you're not sure if this is making things better or worse.\n\nThen, with a pop, the buckled plating straightens with such force that you lose your grip and topple backwards, falling from your capsule.\n<<set $MagnoGrapples = false>><<set $PodFixed = true>>\nYou managed to grasp some piping and find yourself dangling from the platform, with your capsule above and a very long drop below.\n\n-- [[Climb up.|CapsulePlatform]]\n-- [[Let go.|HangarJump2]]<<stopvideo>>

Seriously? You actually want to touch that?\n\nHey, wait a minute...\n\nI know I'm just the disembodied narrator in your head, but everything I'm describing is also in your head, which must mean I'm doing the touching.\n\nI think we need to re-negotiate the terms of our relationship.\n\nNo? Okay then. I'll just carry on shall I?\n\nI--I mean you--check the mattress. It stinks, you dry heave a bit as my--your--hand touches something crusty.\n\nI hate you now. I mean you hate yourself.\n\nI suppose you want to [[rifle through the rest of this refuse|Bed]] like a vagrant too, don't you? Can't you just order room service if we're looking for something to eat?\n\nLeave the alcove and [[investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

As you climb the steps you feel your skin tingle as you pass through the one-way repulsor field which prevents unauthorised access from the balcony.\n\nWell that's one mystery solved. It still doesn't explain how you mysteriously end up back in your pod when you undock though, does it?\n\nAlso: clothes? Must be the nanites again.\n\nThis idle speculation passes the inordinate amount of time it takes you to climb the steps - if you think capsuleers walk slowly on flat ground, you should see their laborious attempts at steep inclines.\n<<set $climbup = true>><<if ($PodFixed eq true) and ($GasMask eq false)>>\n\nTo one side of the steps, you spy a small box nestled in the shadows. By sheer chance, light reflecting from your realigned thruster plating is illuminating the recess. \n\nYou grab the box and discover a useful-looking //__filtered rebreather mask__// within.\n<<set $GasMask = true>><<set $ObjectsFound = $ObjectsFound + 1>>\n<<endif>>\nEventually, you arrive [[back on your balcony.|ReturnToCapsule]]<<stopvideo>>

The vent sits high on the wall and out of reach above the full-length mirror. The gas has an odd smell that's not entirely unpleasant, but gives you the overwhelming urge to spend money. \n\nAnd wow, you're looking good today, but you could do with some new threads. Why not treat yourself?\n\nJust check your fine self out in the [[mirror|Mirror]] and buy, buy, buy.<<stopvideo>>

''"THIS IS A NON-NEGOTIABLE FEE. YOU MAY PAY IN PLEX, ISK OR CASH. PAYPAL NOT ACCEPTED. NON-PAYMENT WILL RESULT IN ACCOUNT CANCELLATION. PLEASE DIRECT COMPLAINTS TO THE APPROPRIATE DEPARTMENT."''\n\nThe droid continues to carry you upward at the edge of the expansive hangar.\n\n''"ESTIMATED TIME TO PASSENGER DISMOUNT: <<print $ascent>>0 SECONDS."''\n<<set $ascent = $ascent - 1>>\n<<if $ascent gt 0>>\n -- [["I'll sue you, your masters and this entire excuse for a space station for every penny, you ridiculous machine."|Lawyer]]\n -- [["Could you drop me off on the lower capsule platform, I need to fix my pod."|DropOff]]\n\nor:\n -- [[Wait silently to be returned to your quarters.|ReturntoBalcony]]\n -- [[Jump again|JumpAgain]]\n<<else>>\n<<display "ArriveBalcony">>\n<<endif>><<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPGuardSmall.jpg]]\n\n"Perhaps. Let me see what I can do for you... ah, we seem to have had a lot of cancellations and ragequits recently so there are plenty of empty suites, but we've had a lot of dirty protests and penis graffiti from the quitters. Give me a few minutes to make some arrangements and I'll call you back with a turd- and cock-free upgrade."\n\nThe call terminates.\n\n -- [[Go back to the intercom menu.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

There is a pleasing plink as the magno-grapples find the correct signature resonance to correct the deviation in the plating.\n\nUnfortunately, in doing so, a crease in the metal skin has ruptured and fluid is leaking out. It looks like something more serious is occurring that can't be fixed by a magnet-wielding lunatic balanced atop a space capsule on an exposed platform hundreds of metres above the floor.\n\nHonestly, did you really think this would lead to a resolution?\n<<set $PodFixed = true>>\nYou're a capsuleer. Go pay someone some ISK.\n\n -- [[Accept that carrying an engineers ID doesn't really make you an engineer and climb down.|CapsulePlatform]]\n -- [[Drop your trousers in frustration and give any onlookers a fright.|MoonPod]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPGuardSmall.jpg]]\n\n"Hello, you are through to ''C''apsuleer ''C''are and ''P''rotection, I am your concierge Svenni. How may I be of service to you today?"\n\nHow will you respond?\n\nSay:\n\n[["What is there to do around here?"|WhatToDo]]\n[["I want to make a complaint."|ComplaintConcierge]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

The glowing translucent image of your capsule rotates idly. If you had a proper ship, you would be able to access your cargo and fittings from here, but all you can do is stare at your rotating, bulbous capsule.\n\n<<if $ShipGuidePickUp and $CheckPod>><<display "ThrusterHousing">><<endif>><<if ($CheckPod eq false) and ($ShipGuidePickUp eq true)>>\nSomething doesn't seem quite right about it, but you can't quite put your finger on it. \n\n -- [[Look up your capsule's schematic in The Little Book of Ship Pr0n.|CheckPod]]<<endif>>\n -- [[Continue to peruse the coffee table.|CoffeeTable]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

This is a coffee table and not a particularly stylish one at that. It's harsh edges and sharp corners certainly aren't baby-friendly. No wonder the Matari grow up so tough.\n\nUpon the coffee table is a [[holopad|Holopad]] hardwired to display an [[Agent Finder service|Holopad]], a [[dirty ashtray|Ashtray]] and an interactive [[holoprojection|Holoprojection]] of your capsule.\n\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

Not that you need to worry, since you don't currently have a ship and your capsule appears to be broken. You can tell by the distorted outer ring on the thruster housing. You should probably do something about that.<<stopvideo>>\n

Your next movement sees the floor of the shaft buckle beneath you, the light from beneath flooding in as the darkness explodes into a multicoloured cacophony of panelling, pipes and wires and you fall into the light...\n\n...from the holoscreen of your quarters as you come crashing down through the ceiling, thankfully just missing the [[the couch,|Couch]] which would likely have disembowelled you on impact.\n\nMinmatar engineering at its usual standard.\n\n -- [[Sit down|SitDown]].\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

You open your eyes and allow them a moment to focus through the blur of the fluid onto the unexpected yellow square on the plexiglass in front of you. You can make out hurriedly scribbled handwriting on a post-it note. Squinting, it reads,\n\n''//"Dear Capsuleer,\n\nDue to the QuafePants Superbug epidemic, this cloning facility has been evacuated and we have been instructed not to return for at least three months. You will be perfectly fine in your tank and we will release you as soon as it is safe to do so.\n\nWe apologise for the inconvenience.\n\nThe Clone Guys."//''\n\nTHE END\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n''TITLE EARNED: //__Bubble Double__ - naked and alone: one shake away from being a geek's snowdome ornament.//''<<if $Cloned eq false>><<set $Cloned = true>><<set $Losses = $Losses + 1>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>>\n\n[[ -- TRY AGAIN --\n|Start2]]

Before you can say anything else, the drone lurches upwards and swoops over your balcony announcing, ''"ENGAGING REPULSOR FIELD,"'' and you are unceremoniously dumped back on your balcony next to the control console.\n\n''"YOU WILL BE BILLED FOR THIS TRANSPORT SERVICE. HAVE A NICE DAY,"'' the drone drones before speeding off to attend it's next hangar maintenance duty.\n\nOnce you've picked yourself up, will you:\n\n -- [[Look out into the hangar.|OMG]]\n -- [[Return to your capsule and undock.|ReturnToCapsule]]\n -- [[Investigate the console.|InvestigateConsole]]\n -- [[Turn around and walk down the ramp.|WalkDown1]]<<stopvideo>>

>>>>>>>>''---- FACILITIES ----''\n>>>>>>>> __SPORTS & ACTIVITIES__\n\nVisit our custom gym facilities, designed by [[Col. Roc Wieler|http://rocwieler.com/]] (so no expense spared on the mirrors). Visit our zero-gravity rolling-tide pool for a unique swimming experience or try your hand at [[station-surfing|http://tech4news.org/2012/01/27/man-incinerated-attempting-to-surf-station/]] with our highly-trained experts. \n\nEvery one of our sports facilities are equipped with fully customisable holocourts adaptable to any kind of sport. Use one of the preset court-types or design one of your own.\n\nAvailable events and activities:\n\n -- [[Rambling Tour Guides|http://evetravel.wordpress.com/]]\n -- [[Vocal Gymnastics|http://www.sindelsuniverse.com/]]\n -- [[Sand, cider and spaceship juggling|http://sandciderandspaceships.blogspot.co.uk/]]\n -- [[Visual propaganda displays|http://eveoganda.blogspot.co.uk/]]\n -- [["Ninveah" competitive bantering|http://www.ninveah.com/]]\n -- [[Science in space|http://eveblog.allumis.co.uk/]]\n -- [[Controlled explosion tennis|http://blastradtales.wordpress.com/]]\n -- [[Solitaire sniping|http://evehermit.wordpress.com/]]\n -- [[Exploring anomalies|http://2ndanomalyfromtheleft.wordpress.com/]]\n -- [[Applied fiction|http://mikeazariah.wordpress.com/]]\n -- [[Unstable tailoring|http://madhaberdashers.wordpress.com/]]\n -- [[Survival of the fittest|http://turamarths-evelife.blogspot.co.uk/]]\n -- [[Sleeper Soccer|http://emergentpatroller.blogspot.co.uk/]]\n -- [[Professional Mumbling League|http://mabricksmumblings.blogspot.co.uk/]]\n -- [[Aggressive Racing Logistics|http://aggressivelogistics.wordpress.com/]]\n -- [[Controversial Umpiring 101|http://adharkhorin.com/]]\n -- [[Hilarious hiking|http://jestertrek.blogspot.co.uk/]]\n\n''Special New Event: EVE-VR'' - As part of a physical purge-and-cleanse, this digital emetic will deliver the thrills while you deliver the spills. \n\nSports Liaison Offices are available on the following decks: 14A, 23A, 68C, 137A and 184D.\n>>>>>>> ----------------------------\n>>>>>>> [[Return to facilities menu|WhatToDo]]\n>>>>>>> ----------------------------\nor:\n\n[[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

Walking uphill is slow isn't it. You take your time to admire the neo-industrial aesthetic of this short walkway. \n\nI hope you're not in a rush to undock for any reason.\n\n -- [[Continue walking to the balcony.|OMG]]\n -- [[Move faster.|NoRun]]\n -- [[Head down the ramp to the doorway.|WalkDown2]]

As you amble back up the ramp, you speculate on the whereabouts of other, similar capsuleer balconies. \n\nYou idly wonder whether there are sniper weapons available in the station gift shop.\n\nWill you:\n\n -- [[Walk up to the balcony.|WalkUp3]]\n -- [[Go faster.|NoRun]]\n -- [[Walk down to the doorway.|WalkDown3]]

With all this ramp walking, you wonder why the designers didn't build the rooms a little closer to the balconies. It would have been a much more efficient use of space, but then again it explains why you never see a fat capsuleer. \n\nYou begin to trudge back up the ramp toward the balcony.\n\nWill you:\n\n -- [[Continue up the ramp.|WalkUp2]]\n -- [[Break into a jog.|NoRun]]\n -- [[Return to the doorway.|CQDoorway]]

>>>>>>>>''---- FACILITIES ----''\n>>>>>>>> __EATERIES and BARS__\n\nA wide variety of eateries and bars can be found on all concourse decks. Some are station-run facilities, others are privately owned, all are top-quality. There's something for everyone.\n\nToday's recommended venues are:\n\n''Batman Orange One'' moose and beaver club - [[Deck24D|http://ninveah.podbean.com/]]\n''Cap. St. Able'' retired veterans bar - [[Deck 1B|http://capstable.net/]]\n''Commune'' retro-themed comedy bar - [[Deck 42A|http://evecommune.podbean.com/]]\n''Dec, Lara & Tion's raw of''fal and sushi - [[Deck 77F|http://declarationsofwar.com/]]\n''The Droner's Bay'' cool cats and good chats. No music. - [[Deck 84D|http://www.virginworlds.com/podcast.php?show=17&ep=25]]\n''High Drag'' cross-dressing private members' club [[Deck 69ACDC|http://highdrag.wordpress.com/category/podcast/]]\n''Kit on Shugu'' homeless shelter - [[Deck 88D|http://shitonkugu.blogspot.co.uk/]]\n''Local Spam'' processed meat merchants [[Deck 104C|http://evelocalspam.com/]]\n''NaLoN's'' new sours liquor bar - [[Deck 165A|http://www.notalotofnews.com/]]\n''Noisy Max's Star Bar'' comedy club and restaurant - [[Deck 9B|https://www.facebook.com/StarfleetComms]]\n''Pipe Down'' karaoke bar - [[Deck 103B|http://downthepipe-wh.com/]]\n''Podded'' whisky bar - [[Deck 56C|http://castroller.com/podcasts/PoddedPodcast]]\n''Podside'' speed-dating pool bar - [[Deck 38A|http://s8.multiplexgaming.com/]]\n''Reckless'' bar and grill - [[Deck 22D|http://flyreckless.com/newsite/]]\n''Voices'' cocktail bar and live music venue - [[Deck 74A|http://www.voicesfromthevoid.net/]]\n''TacTicNet'' military mess hall [[Deck 42F|http://tacticalentertainment.tv/archives/category/eveonline]]\n''Warp Drive Inactive'' speak-easy lounge bar - [[Deck 9D|http://www.warpdriveactive.com/category/podcast/]]\n''Zebras Crossing'' vodka steakhouse - [[Deck 4E|http://crossingzebras.com/category/podcasts/]]\n\n>>>>>>> ----------------------------\n>>>>>>> [[Return to facilities menu|WhatToDo]]\n>>>>>>> ----------------------------\nor:\n\n[[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\n"Oh it's been a nightmare. We called the CSM over for a bit of a chat about some stuff that we might have totally fucked up a bit.\n\n"They got really angry and threw Trebor's favourite limited edition Quafe underpants into the atmosphere scrubbers. \n\n"Ever since then we've been getting this peculiar gas polluting the Captain's Quarters decks and triggering the door safety seals. We just can't be certain what the effect of inhaling vapourised CSM underpants particles is."\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["So? Can't you fix it?"|CantFix]]\n -- [["What is a CSM?"|WhatCSM]]\n -- [["What stuff did you 'totally fuck up a bit'?"|Incarnage]]\n -- [["I'm not frightened of anything Trebor has had in his trousers. Let me out."|LetMeOut]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

As you stand on the shell casing, you reach out to steady yourself on the wall and your hand comes away damp. The moisture has a rancid odour.\n\n<<if $panelprise>>\nAs your eyes adjust to the dark recess, you see fluid is oozing from the lower edge of an opening into an access shaft high on the wall. The hinged wall panel hangs open.\n\nDo you:\n\n -- [[Close the panel.|ClosePanel]]\n -- [[Climb up into the shaft.|EnterShaft]]\n -- Wipe your hand dry and [[investigate something less icky.|QuartersCentre]]\n<<else>>\nAs your eyes adjust to the dark recess, you see fluid is oozing from the lower edge of a loose wall panel at the upper limit of your reach.\n\nWill you:\n\n -- [[Prise the panel open.|CornerPanel]]\n -- Wipe your hand dry and [[investigate something less icky.|QuartersCentre]]\n<<endif>>\n

What are you expecting to find here? If you're that desperate for something to smoke, why don't you try calling room service?\n\nThese ashtrays contain ash and cigarette butts. There is a distinct odour of stale smoke. This far in the future you'd have thought they'd discovered a less stinky way of doing this, wouldn't you.\n\n[[Continue to search the alcove|Bed]] or [[Return to the centre of your quarters.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

\n\n(function(){var render2=Passage.prototype.render;Passage.prototype.render=function(){var b=render2.call(this);\nif(this.tags){var r=new RegExp("t8n.typewriter.([0-9]+)(?:[^0-9]|$)","g");var t=r.exec(this.tags.toString());\nif(t){typeout(b,t[1]+0);}}return b;};var typeout=function(c,t){var Furl=function(current){this.n=current;\nthis.out=false;this.data=current.nodeValue;current.nodeValue="";this.kids=[];var cn=current.childNodes;\nif(current.style && current.style.display=="none"){return;}while(cn.length>0){var f=new Furl(cn[0]);\ncurrent.removeChild(cn[0]);f.out=true;this.kids.push(f);}};var nodes=new Furl(c);\nvar unfurl=function(furled,d){var n=furled.n;if(furled.out){d.appendChild(n);furled.out=false;\n}if(furled.data){n.nodeValue+=furled.data[0];furled.data=furled.data.slice(1);return true;\n}for(var j=0;j<furled.kids.length;j++){var ret=unfurl(furled.kids[j],n);if(ret){return true;\n}}return false;};var title=state.history[0].passage.title;var intr=setInterval(function(){if(state.history[0].passage.title==title&&unfurl(nodes,null)){return;\n}clearInterval(intr);},t);};}());

Capsule maintenance is usually performed by repair drones and nanites, so clearly human access to external systems was not considered in the platform design.\n<<if $MagnoGrapples eq false>>\n\nFrustratingly, without the magno-clamps you left atop the capsule, your attempts to climb are in vain. All you've managed to do is work your way around the side to a more exposed position.<<endif>>\n<<if $MagnoGrapples>>\nFortunately, your precarious climb is made somewhat more secure with the judicious use of your engineer's magno-clamps. It's surprisingly windy for a spaceship hangar.<<screenShake 1500>>\n\nA couple of stomach-churning close calls later and you are perched atop your capsule, looking over the hangar chasm.<<endif>>\n<<if $MagnoGrapples and $ShipGuidePickUp and $CheckPod>>You can clearly see a section of plating has buckled inward, likely putting pressure on internal systems and risking all manner of malfunctions.\n\nWhat ya gonna do, hotshot?\n\n -- [[Attempt to use the magno-clamps to rectify the problem.|BendPod]]\n -- [[Consult the Little Book of Ship Pr0n for a solution.|ReadPod]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if ($CheckPod eq false) and ($ShipGuidePickUp eq true)>>\nYou've not really had the opportunity to inspect your capsule from this angle before, but you're pretty sure that something doesn't look right.\n -- [[Check the Little Book of Book Pr0n for guidance|FixPod2]]\n -- [[Return to the safety of the platform.|CapsulePlatform]]<<endif>> -- [[Drop your pants and show the entire station the whole of the moon.|MoonPod]]\n -- [[Stop behaving like a child and climb down.|CapsulePlatform]]<<stopvideo>>

"All of our operators are currently busy, please consider opening a support ticket by pressing #, or continue to hold."\n\n -- [[Continue to Hold.|Hold2]]\n -- [[Press # to file a support ticket.|http://community.eveonline.com/support/support-tickets/]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

...you awake with a jolt in your new clone.\n\nAs you regain your faculties you fight down the primeval urge to panic at the sensation of breathing fluid into your lungs. \n\nThe tranquil weightlessness of floating in the amniotic fluid of the maturation tank feels familiar and you allow the disorientation of the consciousness transfer to pass before opening your eyes. \n\nYou know your new stomach has no contents to disgorge, but it is still best to follow procedure to minimise the nausea.\n\nOptions are limited, but what do you want to do?\n\n -- [[Open your eyes.|OpenYourEyes]]\n -- [[Go to sleep.|DreamState]]\n

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\nNed explains, "Well, you see, the problem with the atmosphere controls for your room is related to the possible presence of toxic gas outside in the corridor. \n\n"The atmosphere scrubbers are on emergency purge mode just to prevent the gas from leaking in. So I'm afraid we can't let you play around with it. \n\n"Bad things might happen."\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["What caused the gas?"|NedBusy]]\n -- [[Why are you so busy?"|NedBusy]]\n -- [["There's a terrible draught coming from the hangar, how do I close the balcony doors?"|BalconyDoors]]\n -- [["There appears to be gas leak above my mirror."|GasLeak]]\n -- [["My room door won't open."|NedBusy]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

''"THE CAPSULE MAINTENANCE PLATFORM IS OFF LIMITS. ONLY ENGINEERING STAFF WITH APPROPRIATE CLEARANCE ARE PERMITTED."''\n\nYour balcony is not far now. The dizzying experience is almost over. \n\n''"ESTIMATED TIME TO PASSENGER DISMOUNT: <<print $ascent>>0 SECONDS."''\n\n<<set $ascent = $ascent - 1>><<if $ascent eq 0>><<display "ArriveBalcony">><<set $arrived = true>><<endif>><<if ($ascent neq 0) and ($EngineerID eq false)>>\n -- [["That makes no sense. It's *my* capsule. I'm a capsuleer, how do you expect me to ... er, capsulate?|CCPAssets]]\n -- [["I'll sue you for obstructing a capsuleer in the course of his duties."|Lawyer]]\n\nor: \n -- [[Wait silently to be returned to your quarters.|ReturntoBalcony]]\n -- [[Jump again|JumpAgain]]\n<<endif>><<if ($ascent gt 0) and $EngineerID>>\n -- [["I've got clearance. My engineer ID is in my pocket."|EngineerID]]<<endif>><<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\nNed pauses thoughtfully. \n\n"It's dangerous out there you know. We're not sure how the //Quafepants Superbug// will affect you, but I suppose it'll be an interesting test. If I help you, neither myself of ''C''apsuleer ''C''are and ''P''rotection can be held responsible for the consequences.\n\n"I can't actually open your quarters from here, but if you go to your door, you'll notice there is a tiny green button immediately to the right of the "glowing red display". Pressing that for a period should bring the locking protocols to a full stop, giving you the opportunity to get out.\n\n"Oh and watch out for the feral Mittens clones."\n\nThe call terminates.\n\n -- [[Go back to the intercom menu.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

This holopad is a device commonly used for browsing GALNET portals and other library resources. This one has been hardwired to show corporation agents willing to give you menial and repetitive jobs that might get you killed.\n\n -- [[Browse available missions|Missions]].\n -- [[Continue to peruse the coffee table.|CoffeeTable]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

<<if $DreamState eq false>><<set $DreamState = true>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>>As you drift off into a gentle slumber, you idly hope you don't have that recurring dream about your capsule being broken and you being forever trapped in your Captain's Quarters in an endless, inescapable loop...\n\n[[Guess what?|Pod]]<<stopvideo>><<set $ShipGuidePickUp = false>><<set $MagnoGrapples = false>><<set $EngineerID = false>><<set $GasMask = false>>

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\n"There are no balcony doors I'm afraid. That's a feature, it's supposed to be like that. \n\n"Our studies have shown that installing doors makes capsuleers irrationally angry, so we try to keep them to a minimum. Maybe if you head down to the trade concourse you can find a nice bead curtain.\n\nIs there anything else I can help you with?"\n\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["Why are you so busy?"|NedBusy]]\n -- [["My atmosphere controls are locked."|LockedControls]]\n -- [["There appears to be gas leak above my mirror."|GasLeak]]\n -- [["My room door won't open."|NedBusy]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

There are two digital panels in your Captain's Quarters. Which would you like to investigate?\n\n -- [[The long single-screen display by the mezzanine steps.|SingleScreen]]\n -- [[The dual-screen display near the bed.|DualScreen]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\n"Mmmphff- shorry. M've gocht a mowph phuwll owf cake. Mwun mo." More munching, then, "Sorry about that, it's been absolutely manic down here in Public Rel.. um ... Technical Support and I've not been able to stop for lunch. Anyway, you're through to ''C''apsuleer ''C''are and ''P''rotection, my name is Ned from, er... Tech Support. \n\n"How can I be of assistance?"\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["Why are you so busy?"|NedBusy]]\n -- [["There's a terrible draught coming from the hangar, how do I close the balcony doors?"|BalconyDoors]]\n -- [["My atmosphere controls are locked."|LockedControls]]\n -- [["There appears to be gas leak above my mirror."|GasLeak]]\n -- [["My room door won't open."|NedBusy]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

''YOU WIN'' and ''LOSE''\n\nYou have just uninstalled the game. Congratulations, you have won EVE. Or maybe you lost. It's entirely subjective, as with all things EVE.\n\nYou could go outside for some fresh air and perhaps a [[nice dip in a pool of volcanically-heated water...|http://tech4news.org/2012/04/01/8p-ryl-fuel-production-horror-at-remote-tourist-resort/]]\n\nOr if you're agoraphobic, how about broadening your horizons with some [[eclectic reading material by other humans|http://www.gameskinny.com/]].\n\nBut the truth is, you didn't even really get started with the deep and alluring experience of ''EVE Online: The Text Adventure''. There are many ways to win (and lose) - check out your score in the sidebar and you'll find you've gained your first title. Congratulations.\n\nNow go forth brave adventu... capsuleer. There are puzzles and mysteries to solve, smells to sniff and buttons to press.\n\nTo get back to it, [[click here.|Start2]] and never mind about shattering of the narrative integrity and immersion of this state-of-the-art gaming experience. ;)\n\nHere's a hint - make sure to complain and talk to Ned. He'll make everything clear.\n<<if $UnWINstall eq false>>\n<<set $Wins = $Wins + 1>><<set $Losses = $Losses + 1>><<set $UnWINstall = true>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>>\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n''TITLE EARNED: //__Losing Russian Winstaller__// - tricked by those cunning Reds.''\n\n[[ -- TRY AGAIN --\n|Start2]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[Freddie.jpg]]\n\n"Don't take that tone with me. If you want to make a complaint you'll have to speak to the concierge."\n\nThe line goes dead.\n\n -- [[Back to the intercom menu.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

''--- PLANETARY INTERACTION INTERFACE ---''\n\nThe display zooms down to a view of a nearby planetary surface. The camera pans across the stunning landscape before focusing in on your Colony Command Centre.\n\nA message appears stating: \n\n''"WARNING: Planetary resource production at a standstill. Employee strike action in progress."''\n\nThere appears to be a picket line of employees assembled outside the main Colony Command building. They are waving banners with slogans such as "We R bored.", "U suk!", "Fix this NAOW!" and "IBC".\n\n -- [[Click on a different PI object.|Click]]\n -- [[Send in a negotiator to get the protestors back to work.|Negotiator]]\n -- [[Order the extermination of all protestors.|Exterminate]]\n -- [[Examine another holoscreen.|Holoscreens]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\n"Trebor Daehdoow is one of the members of the CSM, some say he is old and wise, others say he's just a mad old bugger that scribbles a lot and that the rest of the CSM only keep him around to poke fun at him. In any case, we just can't get rid of him. He keeps coming back.\n\nHe's a perfectly likeable chap if a little odd, but I have no knowledge of his undergarment habits."\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["What is this CSM?"|WhatCSM]]\n -- [["Just get me out of this room, I'll take my chances with Trebor's mutant fart."|LetMeOut]]\n\nor:\n\n[[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

''--- PLANETARY INTERACTION INTERFACE ---''\n\nYou click. Clickety-click-click. Clicking is fun. We like clicking, which is lucky, 'cos that's what PI is all about.\n\nClick, click. Click.\n\nSome menus open and dive for cover behind some windows. You click some more. Click. Click. Click.\n\nClick, click. Clickety-click.\n\nClick.\n\nDo you need a new mouse yet?\n\n -- [[Click on a different PI object.|Click]]\n -- [[Return to your PI Colony Command Centre.|PlanetaryInteraction]]\n -- [[Examine another holoscreen.|Holoscreens]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

''--- PLANETARY INTERACTION INTERFACE ---''\n\nYour negotiator has been deployed. Check back later to view his progress.\n\n -- [[Examine another holoscreen.|Holoscreens]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

You should probably do something about that distorted outer ring on the thruster housing.<<stopvideo>>

<<set $panelprise = true>>The panel is hinged and after a brief moment to locate the latch, it swings open easily.\n\nYou can see little, but a warm gust of rancid air sends its unpleasant message straight to your stomach.\n\n -- [[Climb up into the shaft.|EnterShaft]]\n -- [[Close the panel.|ClosePanel]]\n -- [[Wipe your hands and explore something less stinky.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

-BLEEP- -BLEEP- ''"THE LEGAL DEPARTMENT HAS BEEN NOTIFIED OF YOUR INTENT AND WILL CONTACT YOU DIRECTLY. THERE WILL BE A LEGAL FEE."''\n\nYour ascent continues. Try not to look down. \n\n''"ESTIMATED TIME TO PASSENGER DISMOUNT: <<print $ascent>>0 SECONDS."''\n<<set $ascent = $ascent - 1>>\n<<if $ascent gt 0>>\n -- [[This is extortion! I refuse to pay!|NoMess]]\n -- [["Could you drop me off on the lower capsule platform, I need to fix my pod."|DropOff]]\n\nor:\n -- [[Wait silently to be returned to your quarters.|ReturntoBalcony]]\n -- [[Jump again|JumpAgain]]\n<<else>>\n<<display "ArriveBalcony">>\n<<endif>><<stopvideo>>

This mirror looks like most expensive thing in the room. You're not sure why, you just get the unsettling feeling that it wants your money.\n\nA sidebar display appears to show some biorhythm data, but interacting with the mirror in any way opens up your wardrobe options. Sophisticated nano-tailors allow you to change clothes without moving a muscle. \n\nYou can't help but notice you look good in anything, so why not buy a skirt, some thigh-length boots and a monocle. You know you could make it work. Wait, is this mirror messing with your mind using filthy [[subliminal messaging|http://community.eveonline.com/news/dev-blogs/give-me-monocles-or-give-me-death-2]] and hypnotism techniques?\n\nQuick, stop looking at yourself and [[investigate something else|QuartersCentre]].<<stopvideo>>

The stink is almost overwhelming now. You can taste the pungence in the air as if it were rotting soup and you are struggling to maintain control of your bodily functions.\n<<if $EngineerID eq true>>\nYour memories of this place alone are enough to trigger your primal [[instinct to flee.|ShaftJunction]]<<endif>><<if ($EngineerID eq false) and $MagnoGrapples>><<set $EngineerID = true>>\nReturning to the foul site of the engineer's apparent demise with a light source shows you far more than you ever needed to see. The shaft is blocked with unidentifiable refuse which heaves and writhes with amorphous fleshy parasites.\n\nChoking back the vomit, your suspicions are confirmed when you spy the partially-consumed remains of a uniformed individual of unidentifiable race or gender.\n\nYou manage to grab the surprisingly undigested //__engineer's ID badge__// from the corpse's putrescence-soaked shirt and make a quick involuntary contribution to the digestable refuse yourself, before you [[beat a hasty retreat.|ShaftJunction]]<<set $ObjectsFound = $ObjectsFound + 1>><<endif>><<if ($EngineerID eq false) and ($MagnoGrapples eq false)>>\n\nYour hand comes down on something warm in the darkness. It squirms out from under your weight.\n\nThe walls! The walls are moving! You can't see them, but you can sense them, feel them, smell them.\n\nYou have stumbled into [[some kind of infestation|https://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/Fedo_(Chronicle)]].\n\nJust as your instincts override reason and you scramble away, your hand snags against something fibrous.\n\n -- [[Grab it?|EngineersSatchel]]\n -- [[Leave it.|ShaftJunction]]\n<<endif>><<stopvideo>>

(v1.0.6)\nby\n''Mat Westhorpe''\n(@Freebooted)\n\nA satirical peek into a day in the life of a grounded pod pilot.\n\n----------\n[[SCORE|Score]]\n[[Hints|Hints]]\n[[Credits|Credits]]\n----------\n\n[[Help continue the story to fix the broken capsule and MAKE A DONATION.|Donating]]\n\n----------\n\n[[CCP copyright info.|Copyright]]\n\n

You are walking... very... slowly... down... the... ramp. You're clearly not in a rush. Your head itches so you have a bit of a scratch.\n\nDo you:\n\n -- [[Continue down the ramp.|WalkDown3]]\n -- [[Break into a run.|NoRun]]\n -- [[Return to the balcony.|WalkUp3]]\n\n

Still walking. Isn't this fun? Don't worry, we're nearly there. It really didn't look this far from the top.\n\nTry to ignore the visual glitches, it's probably just your graphics card melting.\n\nWill you:\n\n -- [[Continue down the ramp.|CQDoorway]]\n -- [[Go for a sprint finish.|NoRun]]\n -- [[Head back up to the balcony.|WalkUp2]]

You silently cling to the ascending drone, feeling very small as you stare out into the immense hangar. \n\nYou wonder if it's really a sensible use of space for the storage of a single ship given that all but the largest and most uncommon of ships would be dwarfed by the expanse.\n\nYou start to wonder if there is cloaking technology at work hiding other vessels, when you arrive at [[your balcony.|ArriveBalcony]]

You reach out, touch the chevrons and instantly black out.\n\n.\n.\n.\n\nThe gurgling and clanking sounds that bring you back to consciousness do not bode well. \n\nEverything is dark.\n\nOh dear. You're inexplicably back in the capsule, but you have no control. Perhaps there is something wrong with your pod after all.\n\nWhat do you want to do?\n\n -- [[Move your limbs.|Limbs]]\n -- [[Call for help.|CallForHelp]]\n -- [[Open your eyes.|Loading]]\n -- [[Wait patiently.|Waiting]]<<stopvideo>>

Oh that's right; you are a "capsuleer". \n\nThey told you it would make you immortal, powerful and really good at internet spaceships. \n\nThey said that by connecting to a state-of-the-art warship via the neural interface in your [[hydrostatic capsule|http://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/Capsuleer#The_Capsule]], you could control every ship system intuitively, as if it were your own body.\n\nThey made it sound so grand. But the bastards glossed over the requirement to spend most of your working life submerged in goo with tubes shoved in every orifice. What was daylight again?\n\nAnd now something has gone wrong.\n\nEverything is dark and wet.\n\n...\n\nWhat do you want to do?\n\n -- [[Move your limbs.|Limbs]]\n -- [[Call for help.|CallForHelp]]\n -- [[Open your eyes.|Loading]]\n -- [[Wait patiently.|Waiting]]<<stopvideo>>

Woah!<<screenShake 1500>>\n\nAttempting to clench a fist or reach out results in distant clanks and gurgles accompanied by a disconcerting lurching sensation.\n\nTo prevent injury whilst mentally operating the ship under your control, you shouldn't be able to move at all. But as you have already deduced, something has gone wrong.\n\nClenching anything else could be catastrophic - after all, you don't want to accidentally activate a low slot.\n\nBut everything is still dark. And wet.\n\nWhat's your move?\n\n -- [[Shout for assistance.|CallForHelp]]\n -- [[Open your eyes.|Loading]]\n -- [[Wait patiently.|Waiting]]\n -- [[Clench all the things, just to be contrary.|BioMass]]<<stopvideo>>

You slide/crawl through unseen filth toward the exit as indicated by the vague haze of slightly-less-dark darkness ahead, when the combination of the slick surface, an unexpected drop and a touch of incompetence sees you deposited unceremoniously and painfully onto the floor of your quarters.\n\nBruised, rancid and damp, you pick yourself up and [[wonder where the shower is.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

CCP COPYRIGHT NOTICE\n\nEVE Online and the EVE logo are the registered trademarks of CCP hf. All rights are reserved worldwide. \n\nAll other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. EVE Online, the EVE logo, EVE and all associated logos and designs are the intellectual property of CCP hf. All artwork, screenshots, characters, vehicles, storylines, world facts or other recognizable features of the intellectual property relating to these trademarks are likewise the intellectual property of CCP hf. CCP is in no way responsible for the content on or functioning of this website, nor can it be liable for any damage arising from the use of this website.

As you teeter dangerously atop your capsule attempting to unfasten your clothing in an unpredictably windy environment above a long and almost certainly fatal drop, your friendly security drone re-appears, stating.<<screenShake 2500>>\n\n''"WARNING: PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF GROSS NUDITY IN STATION HANGARS ARE PROHIBITED UNDER THE MBIII ACT OF CONCORD LAW..."''\n\nIt sounded like there was more to the diatribe, but the sudden shock of the drone's appearance, coupled with your precarious situation, saw you fall pathetically, trousers around your ankles, to your death.\n\nWell, what did you expect? I thought EVE players were meant to be smart.\n\n[[Is this the end?|Splat]]<<stopvideo>>

At the end of the short, dark corridor is a heavy metal door that appears to be sealed shut. To the right is a door entry device with a [[glowing red display|DoorCode]][[.|WayOut]]\n\nThis door doesn't look as if it has been opened in years.\n\n -- [[Investigate something else|QuartersCentre]].<<stopvideo>>

Welcome to ''EVE Online: The Text Adventure'', a tongue-in-cheek celebration of the highs and lows of the world's greatest internet spaceship game.\n\nIf you are easily offended or your favourite episode of Sesame Street was brought to you by the letters T,L,D and R, then this probably isn't for you.\n\nTo launch ''EVE Online: The Text Adventure - Chapter One: The Broken Capsule'', click the shortcut below.\n\n [img[EVEIcon.jpg]]\n[[EVE Online|Start2]]\n<<silently>>\n<<set $Wins = 0>>\n<<set $Losses = 0>>\n<<set $TitlesEarned = 0>>\n<<set $ObjectsFound = 0>>\n\n<<set $UnWINstall = false>>\n<<set $QPDeath = false>>\n<<set $UltimateWinner = false>>\n<<set $LazyBastard = false>>\n<<set $Biomass = false>>\n<<set $FatGit = false>>\n<<set $Undock = false>>\n<<set $Cloned = false>>\n\n<<set $ShipGuidePickUp = false>>\n<<set $CheckPod = false>>\n<<set $MagnoGrapples = false>>\n<<set $EngineerID = false>>\n<<set $CeilingHole = false>>\n<<set $GasMask = false>>\n<<set $DreamState = false>>\n<<set $climbup = false>>\n<<endsilently>>

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\nNed laughs, "Actually, that's not a leak, it's working as intended. \n\n"That is a complimentary mood-enhancing pleasure gas shipped in from Luminaire. It's perfectly safe and legal. In fact it is very healthy as it includes nutrients that could sustain you for quite a while in the absence of food. \n\n"Oh and it contains designer psychotropes to make you want to buy clothes. Which is also legal. Mostly.\n\n"Anything else I can help you with?"\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["Why are you so busy?"|NedBusy]]\n -- [["There's a terrible draught coming from the hangar, how do I close the balcony doors?"|BalconyDoors]]\n -- [["My atmosphere controls are locked."|LockedControls]]\n -- [["My room door won't open."|NedBusy]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

As you attempt to reference the tiny book once again, you are forced to partially release your grip. \n\nAn ill-timed wind blows, causing you to slip and fall.\n\nThe Little book of Ship Pr0n goes tumbling into the abyssal station hangar as you scramble to re-establish purchase. \n<<set $ShipGuidePickUp = false>><<set $MagnoGrapples = false>><<set $ObjectsFound = $ObjectsFound - 2>>\nYou managed to grasp some piping and find yourself dangling from the platform, with your capsule above and a very long drop below.\n\n-- [[Climb up.|CapsulePlatform]]\n-- [[Let go.|HangarJump2]]<<stopvideo>>

This giant widescreen is the central resource for all capsuleer information. Features of particular note are the learner pilot warning system (nobody likes to get stuck behind them in narrow spacelanes) and the tickertape newsfeeds that occasionally display up-to-date news items, even if it can't be bothered to finish sentences.\n\nThere does not appear to be a way to change the channel, however you're in luck, there seems to be some holovids queued up in the player.\n\n -- [[Watch the holovids.|ClearSkies3]]\n -- [[Examine another holoscreen.|Holoscreens]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

This game is entirely free (no strings attached, no DLC, no cash shop) and I hope you have enjoyed the experience.\n\nAny tokens of appreciation would be gratefully received and would help pay for the server rental and the creation of further chapters.\n\nI am a self-employed writer and 15,000 words and hundreds of man-hours went into ''Chapter One: The Broken Capsule''. I see it as a game content review and a satirical look at the company, community and culture behind EVE Online.\n\nI have some great ideas to explore for subsequent chapters and I'd love to be able to justify focusing more of my freelance time on creating more interactive entertainment like this. To do that it really needs to pay for itself.\n\nIf you have enjoyed your Broken Capsule experience, please consider a token donation.\n\nThanks for reading.\n\n''Mat Westhorpe''\n[[Freebooted|http://freebooted.blogspot.co.uk/]]/[[Broken Paramedic|http://brokenparamedic.blogspot.co.uk/]] blogger and [[GameSkinny contributor|http://www.gameskinny.com/gs/mat-westhorpe]]\n\nHere's my Paypal link:\n\n<html><form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post" target="_top">\n<input type="hidden" name="cmd" value="_s-xclick">\n<input type="hidden" name="hosted_button_id" value="Q6PQR7AEFUVSL">\n<input type="image" src="https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_US/GB/i/btn/btn_donateCC_LG.gif" border="0" name="submit" alt="PayPal – The safer, easier way to pay online.">\n<img alt="" border="0" src="https://www.paypalobjects.com/en_GB/i/scr/pixel.gif" width="1" height="1">\n</form></html>\nAlternatively, if you're an EVE Online player, ISK and PLEX are always gratefully received by my main character, Seismic Stan. :)\n\n

''"AFFIRMATIVE, ENGINEER CLEARANCE STATUS STILL ACTIVE."''\n\nThe drone arrives level with your Captain's Quarters and allows you to [[dismount onto the capsule platform.|CapsulePlatform]]<<stopvideo>>

You attempt to change the atmosphere settings, but there is a bleep and the following message appears;\n\n''"ERROR. ATMOSPHERIC CONDITIONS ARE AT OPTIMUM AND HAVE BEEN LOCKED BY ANOTHER PROCESS. PLEASE CONTACT TECHNICAL SUPPORT."''\n\nWill you:\n\n -- [[Use the intercom.|Intercom]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

<<set $CheckPod = true>>Leafing through the pages, you find some of the section on 'Escape Pods & Hydrostatic Capsules' is still legible.\n\nFinding a model that looks like yours and comparing it to the holoprojection, you identify there seems to be some distortion to the outer ring of the thruster housing, which might explain your earlier difficulties. \n\nYou should probably get that fixed.\n\n -- [[Return to the centre of the balcony.|OMG]]\n -- [[Access your hangar.|Innovation]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPGuardSmall.jpg]]\n\nSvenni's tone is genuine and sympathetic,\n\n"I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems. What is the nature of your complaint?"\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["How can I make use of any of the station facilities when I can't get out of my fecking room!"|ComplaintGetOut]]\n -- [["I can't find the bathroom, where am I supposed to crap?"|ComplaintCrap]]\n -- [["I want a better room, this place is a hovel."|ComplaintHovel]]\n -- [["Your service is appalling and there's no sign of my food order."|ComplaintFood]]\n -- [["You keep hanging up on me!"|Intercom]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

There's reasonable celebration, then there's self-indulgent gloating. Is this really the future you crave...?\n<<if $DreamState eq false>>\n<html><img src="http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/captains-quarters-t2_small.jpg"></html><<endif>>\n<<if $DreamState>>\n<html><img src="http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/captains-quarters_small.jpg"></html><<endif>>[Image courtesy of [[EVE Outtakes|http://www.eve-outtakes.de/eng/outtakes.htm]].]<<if $FatGit eq false>><<set $FatGit = true>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>>\n\nPut aside your victory before it gives you a stroke and [[investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

This tattered book's cover and opening pages are missing, but a new title has been hastily scribbled on the first surviving page. It reads, //__The Little Book of Ship Pr0n__//.\n\nThe remaining pages are well-thumbed and many are stuck together.\n\nOf those pages you can prise apart, this book seems to be a kind of spaceship spotter's guide and contains schematics, fittings and technical details of many of New Eden's vessels.\n\nWill you:\n\n -- [[Keep the book.|KeepBook]]\n -- [[Put it back where you found it and continue to search the alcove.|Bed]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]

<<set $CheckPod = true>>Leafing through the pages, you find some of the section on 'Escape Pods & Hydrostatic Capsules' is still legible.\n\nYou finding your model and use your vast experience of Spot the Difference puzzles to diagnose the problem.\n\nYour indisputable ability to point your eyes at things enables you to notice that something is misshapen on the aft of the hull. Well done - you have identified that there seems to be some distortion to the outer ring of the thruster housing. That could well explain your earlier difficulties. \n\nYou should probably get that fixed.\n\n -- [[Attempt to climb the pod for a closer look at the damage.|ClimbPod]]\n -- [[Enter the pod.|EnterPod]]\n -- [[Climb up the steps leading back onto the main balcony.|ClimbSteps]]<<stopvideo>>

This disgusting alcove doesn't look like it's been touched for weeks. The last resident was clearly a smoker and this was his favourite smoking spot. \n\nThe bare single [[mattress|Mattress]] is stained nicotine yellow and the shelves above are littered with [[abandoned beverage containers|DrinkCans]], [[cereal boxes|CerealBox]] and [[a soiled ashtray|DirtyAshtrays]]. Some [[folded towels|Folders]] sit innocently on one shelf, further indication that the previous occupant cared little for personal hygiene.\n\n[[Investigate something else|QuartersCentre]].

[img[Freddie.jpg]]\n\nThere'th a bit of a problem with that recipe I'm afraid. The only thing we've got left to flavour it with is Fedo extract, so I hope that'll be alright for you.\n\nIt'll be right up."\n\nWith that, the line goes dead.\n\n -- [[Back to the intercom menu.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>\n\n

Closer study of the magno-clamps reveal that they can be attentuated to affect metals for the express purpose of manipulating their shape. \n\nA small, partially eroded touch-pad displays a slider beside a button marked "AUTO". There are no clear indicators on what these controls could mean.\n\nWill you:\n\n -- [[Press the AUTO button|MagAuto]]\n -- [[Move the slider to the left|MagSlideLeft]]\n -- [[Move the slider to the right|MagSlideRight]]\n -- [[Accept that carrying an engineers ID doesn't really make you an engineer and climb down.|CapsulePlatform]]\n -- [[Drop your trousers in frustration and give any onlookers a fright.|MoonPod]]<<stopvideo>>

Despite its grimy appearance, you deem the tiny tome to be of potential use and take possession of //__The Little Book of Ship Pr0n__//. \n\nAfter all, who knows when you might need to look up some technical details about spacegoing vehicles...\n<<set $ShipGuidePickUp = true>><<set $ObjectsFound = $ObjectsFound + 1>>\n -- [[Continue to search the alcove.|Bed]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]

''"Docking Permission Granted."''\n\nAura's oft-repeated statement is still ringing in your ears as your blurred vision comes into focus.\n\nYou shake off your confusion at finding yourself instantly out of your capsule, inexplicably dry and fully clothed and you pause to take in your surroundings.\n\nYou find yourself standing on a tritanium alloy balcony looking down an industrious metal walkway leading to an open door. Above the door is the symbol of this station's owning corporation. The room beyond is bathed in the flickering light of an active holoscreen. \n\nA draught plays across the back of your neck.\n\nWhat would you like to do now?\n\n -- [[Walk down the ramp to the doorway.|WalkDown1]]\n -- [[Turn around and investigate the source of the draught.|OMG]]<<stopvideo>>

<<set $panelprise = false>>You close the wall panel and secure the latch, leaving the source of the ooze and whatever else hides within the darkness firmly locked away.\n\n -- [[Open the panel again.|CornerPanel]]\n -- [[Leave the corner.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

<<set $CheckPod = true>>Leafing through the pages, you find some of the section on 'Escape Pods & Hydrostatic Capsules' is still legible.\n\nYou finding your model and use your vast experience of Spot the Difference puzzles to diagnose the problem.\n\nIt's quite clear from this close range that there seems to be some distortion to the outer ring of the thruster housing, which might explain your earlier difficulties. \n\nYou can clearly see a section of plating has buckled inward, likely putting pressure on internal systems and risking all manner of malfunctions.\n\n -- [[Attempt to use the magno-clamps to rectify the problem.|BendPod]]\n -- [[Consult the Little Book of Ship Pr0n for a solution.|ReadPod]]<<stopvideo>>

OMG! What a view! \n\nNo wonder it's draughty, with a big open space like that outside your hotel suite. Thank the stars for invisible atmosphere bubbles (or whatever the [[EVE technobabble|http://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/Main_Page]] explanation is.)\n\nYou would never get tired of watching a magnificent space-going vessel rotating majestically in the [[vast open hangar|OpenHangar]] - it's a shame you don't currently have a ship.\n\nAnyway, once you're over the shock of the vista, you investigate the balcony and spy your open capsule beneath you on a platform at the bottom of a ladder you don't recall climbing. To your right is a console with a holographic representation of the capsule.\n\nWhat would you like to do now?\n\n -- [[Look out into the hangar.|OpenHangar]]\n -- [[Return to your capsule and undock.|ReturnToCapsule]]\n -- [[Investigate the console.|InvestigateConsole]]\n -- [[Turn around and walk down the ramp.|WalkDown1]]<<stopvideo>>

Oops...\n\nПока все хорошо, но эта игра больше смысла на русском языке. Перевод переоценивается.\n\n[img[Launcher2.jpg]]\n\n -- [[Нажмите, чтобы играть|Pod]]\n -- [[Нажмите, чтобы прервать|Abort]]\n -- [[Нажмите, чтобы удалить|Uninstall]]<<stopvideo>>

Your hand closes around the object and you hear a clank as you scrabble to less noxious ground.\n<<set $MagnoGrapples = true>><<set $ObjectsFound = $ObjectsFound + 2>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>>\nSafe from the writhing horror, you afford yourself the opportunity to examine your loot. It feels like the remains of a satchel, but it disintegrates as your explore it.\n\nOnly two identifiable objects are salvageable. One is tubular device which, on investigation, turns out to be a barely functional //__light stick__//. Aside from giving you some comfort in the dark, it serves to illuminate very little beyond your other prize - a set of //__magnetic engineering clamps__//.\n\nMaking use of the failing light, you put the clamps in your pocket whilst wondering ominously about the fate of their previous owner.\n\n -- [[Regain your bearings.|ShaftJunction]]<<stopvideo>>

Great idea, genius. Time passes.\n \n. . . . .\n \nEverything's still murky.\n \nAnd gloopy.\n \nAnd tastes bad.\n \n. . . . .\n\nWhat exactly is it that you are waiting for?\n \nHonestly, you're about as much use as a fart in a bath.\n \nWhatever is meant to happen, hasn't. Maybe it's broke.\n\n -- [[Smash something.|Limbs]]\n -- [[Wait a little longer.|WaitLonger]]\n -- [[Open your eyes.|Loading]]\n -- [[Fart in the bath to make a point.|BioMass]]<<stopvideo>>

You clench harder and see your intentions out despite Aura's concern. After all, it's been a long trip.<<screenShake 3600>>\n\nYou feel a momentary sense of relief and warmth, right before the entire contents of your capsule, including you, are instantaneously pulped into biomass for the production of future cloneforms.\n\nThe last thing you heard as you were erased from existence was Aura's emotionless voice;\n\n''"Thank you for your contribution."''\n\n[img[Clone_composition.jpg]]\n\n''[[THE END|http://wiki.eveonline.com/en/wiki/Cloning#Market_analysis]]''\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n''TITLE EARNED: //__Puddle of goo__ - you fell at the first gurgle.//''<<if $Biomass eq false>><<set $Biomass = true>><<set $Losses = $Losses + 1>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>>\n\n[[ -- TRY AGAIN --\n|Start2]]<<stopvideo>>

Despite the risky turtlehead manoeuver, you decide on the safer, more hygienic option and relax your clenched muscles.\n\nAura accepts your decision with an ambivalent, ''"Biomass process aborted. Automatic bowel irrigation commencing."''\n\nYou become very aware of certain tubes and you try hard to ignore the sensation of your cargo bay being steam-cleaned.\n\nTake your mind off the unpleasantness, do something else:\n\n -- [[Shout for help|CallForHelp]]\n -- [[Pull at the tubes.|Limbs]]\n -- [[Open your eyes.|Loading]]\n -- [[Wait patiently.|Waiting]]<<stopvideo>>

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url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/CoffeeTable.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=mirror] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/Mirror.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=alcove] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/Alcove.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=ammo] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/Ammo2.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=thedoor] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/THEdoor.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=thedooropen] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/THEdooropen.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=dualdisplay] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), 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url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/HangarDrop.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=cornerpanel] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/CornerPanel.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=fedo] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/Fedo_dark.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=capsuleplatform] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), 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url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/biomass.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\nbody[data-tags~=clonebay] {\nbackground-image:url('SideBar.jpg'), url('http://673f0f0cdd19715cbffe-6182caacc27a02c443a8e0da460d3556.r54.cf3.rackcdn.com/Clonebay.jpg');\nbackground-repeat:no-repeat;\nbackground-position: top left, top right;\nbackground-bottom: 0;\nbackground-right: 0;\n}\n\n\n/*Third-party code to provide shake animation*/\n\n@keyframes shakeit {\n 0% { transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n 10% { transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 20% { transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n 30% { transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n 40% { transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n 50% { transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 60% { transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n 70% { transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 80% { transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n 90% { transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n 100% { transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n \n@-o-keyframes shakeit {\n 0% { -o-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n 10% { -o-transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 20% { -o-transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n 30% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n 40% { -o-transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n 50% { -o-transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 60% { -o-transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n 70% { -o-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 80% { -o-transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n 90% { -o-transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n 100% { -o-transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n \n@-webkit-keyframes shakeit {\n 0% { -webkit-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n 10% { -webkit-transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 20% { -webkit-transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n 30% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n 40% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n 50% { -webkit-transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 60% { -webkit-transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n 70% { -webkit-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 80% { -webkit-transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n 90% { -webkit-transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n 100% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n \n@-moz-keyframes shakeit {\n 0% { -moz-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n 10% { -moz-transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 20% { -moz-transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n 30% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n 40% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n 50% { -moz-transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 60% { -moz-transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n 70% { -moz-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n 80% { -moz-transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n 90% { -moz-transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n 100% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n \n.shake {\n -webkit-animation-name: shakeit;\n -webkit-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n -webkit-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n -webkit-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n -webkit-animation-timing-function: linear;\n -moz-animation-name: shakeit;\n -moz-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n -moz-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n -moz-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n -moz-animation-timing-function: linear;\n -o-animation-name: shakeit;\n -o-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n -o-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n -o-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n -o-animation-timing-function: linear;\n animation-name: shakeit;\n animation-duration: 0.8s;\n transform-origin:50% 50%;\n animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n animation-timing-function: linear;\n}\n.shake{\n display:inline-block\n}

I'm going to assume you didn't mean that and send you back for another go.\n\nTrust nothing.\n\n -- [[Return to launcher.|LauncherUpdate]]<<stopvideo>>

This dual-screen display seems to be a medical assessment device with tools for managing clones, implants and boosters.\n\nIt appears to be malfunctioning at present as it is insistent that you are pregnant. The device is either wrong or there has been a mishap with your last clone production and you are both the father and the mother of your unborn child. \n\nIf you haven't got a uterus, immediate medical attention is recommended. If you have, congratulations.\n\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

"All of our operators are currently busy, but your call is important to us, please hold or try again later."\n\n -- [[Continue to hold.|Hold]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\nNed sighs, "MonocleGate, FearlessGate, the Summer of Incarnage. It had many names. \n\n"What went wrong? Everything: someone hacked our clothes-store pricing database and added some zeroes, causing an uproar with our customers. The thing is, some capsuleers were stupid enough to buy items at those mistakenly overinflated prices, so now the marketing department thinks they're onto something.\n\n"On top of that, a new brand of toilet paper called 'Fearless' we trialed in the staff facilities accidentally got installed in the public area, which led to some problems."\n\n"Then our mighty leader was misquoted into challenging the entire galaxy to 'put their money where their mouth is', which they did."\n\n"It was a perfect storm that lead to the mute paralysis of the entirety of ''C''apsuleer ''C''are and ''P''rotection, so we fired up the bat-signal and called the CSM. Things worked out well apart from the underpant issue. It's been two years now."\n\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [[Say, "Oh stop whining and HTFU!" then hang up.|Intercom]]\n -- [[Sob, "What a sad story, I think I need a tissue, but there doesn't seem to be any in my quarters. LET ME OUT!"|LetMeOut]]<<stopvideo>>

<<set $CheckPod = true>>Leafing through the pages, you find some of the section on 'Escape Pods & Hydrostatic Capsules' is still legible.\n\nFinding a model that looks like yours and comparing it to the holoprojection, you identify there seems to be some distortion to the outer ring of the thruster housing, which might explain your earlier difficulties. \n\nYou should probably get that fixed.\n\n -- [[Continue to peruse the coffee table|CoffeeTable]].\n -- [[Go elsewhere.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

The cans - cheap, locally-produced imitations of the of the renowned Quafe brand - are all open, but thankfully empty. The bottle is also devoid of fluid.\n\nThey are otherwise not noteworthy.\n\nWill you [[continue to search the alcove|Bed]] or [[investigate elsewhere.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

''__HINTS & TIPS__''\n\n -- Your ultimate goal is to undock (although this may be just your first step on the journey to achieving that goal).\n\n -- Useful objects collected are displayed like //__this useful object__//. Once collected, they will enable new options as appropriate.\n\n -- Sometimes you miss things first time around.\n\n -- Selecting BACK on the browser will undo events but will also remove items and titles gained in the previous passage of text. Use with caution.\n\n -- Sleep can change your perspective on things.\n\n -- You really should //try// to fix your capsule.\n\n -- Ned at "Tech Support" is very helpful if you can ever get through to him. If you can't get hold of him, try making a complaint.\n\n -- Don't fear The Door - although the station beyond may be enticing and eventfull.Stop worrying about it and enjoy your room.\n\n -- If you'd like to read more about how and why ''The Broken Capsule'' was made, I will be writing about my experimental journey into Twine on [[GameSkinny.|http://www.gameskinny.com/c7r2h/oetta-c1tbc-introduction/]]\n\nIf you enjoyed playing Broken Capsule and would like to see more or if you want to show your appreciation, all [[DONATIONS|Donating]] would be gratefully received. Also selling: more hints. ;)\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n[Click BACK on your browser to return to your game.]<<stopvideo>>

The screen flickers briefly onto your corporation info portal before locking up. A few moments later the following message appears;\n\n''"ERROR: THIS DISPLAY DEVICE HAS OVERHEATED. REBOOTING SYSTEM...\n\n...UNABLE TO REBOOT SYSTEM.\n...BOOT.INI FAILURE.\n...DELETING ALL IMPORTANT FILES.\n...RE-INSTALLING RED RING OF DEATH.\n...RECOMMEND BUYING A SONY PRODUCT INSTEAD.\n...HAVE A NICE DAY."''\n\n -- [[Examine another holoscreen.|Holoscreens]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPManifestSmall.jpg]]\n\nNed explains, "The CSM is the Council of Stellar Management. They are a team of superheroes that roam the galaxy righting wrongs and 'putting it to da man'. \n\n"They also moonlight as a dance-troupe in strip clubs. When they aren't fighting crime or getting oiled up and cavorting naked in seedy bars, they help us out here at ''C''apsuleer ''C''are and ''P''rotection when things go wrong. Like MonocleGate."\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["MonocleGate?"|Incarnage]]\n -- [["They sound like a colourful bunch, I'd like to see them naked. Can you let me out of my room please?"|LetMeOut]]\n\nor:\n\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

Interacting with the holographic image of your capsule activates a visual menu enabling you to access some of the ship interface options, but not all of them. \n\nIf you had wanted to rename your ship, use any advanced ship facilities or do anything else slightly complex, you'd have had to have found another way to do it. Bit of an oversight really.\n\nIt does look pretty though and you can never have too many glowing balls in sci-fi.\n<<if $ShipGuidePickUp and $CheckPod>><<display "DistortedRing">><<endif>><<if ($CheckPod eq false) and ($ShipGuidePickUp eq true)>>\nSomething doesn't seem quite right about it, but you can't quite put your finger on it. \n\n -- [[Look up your capsule's schematic in The Little Book of Ship Pr0n|CheckPodBalcony]]<<endif>>\n -- [[Return to the centre of the balcony.|OMG]]\n -- [[Access your hangar.|Innovation]]<<stopvideo>>

''__SCORES AND ACHIEVEMENTS__''<<stopvideo>>\n\n''__Winning and Losing:__''\nWIN SCENARIOS FOUND: <<if $Wins eq 0>><<print "0">><<else>><<print $Wins>><<endif>> of 3\nLOSS SCENARIOS FOUND: <<if $Losses eq 0>><<print "0">><<else>><<print $Losses>><<endif>> of 4\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n''__Titles Earned:__'' <<if $TitlesEarned eq 0>><<print "0">><<else>><<print $TitlesEarned>><<endif>> of 10\n<<if $UltimateWinner>><<print " -- *Captain's Quarters Escapee*">><<endif>>\n<<if $UnWINstall>><<print " -- Losing Russian Winstaller">><<endif>>\n<<if $QPDeath>><<print " -- QuafePants Superbug victim">><<endif>>\n<<if $MagnoGrapples>><<print " -- Moist tunnel explorer">><<endif>>\n<<if $Biomass>><<print " -- Puddle of goo">><<endif>>\n<<if $LazyBastard>><<print " -- Lazy bastard">><<endif>>\n<<if $FatGit>><<print " -- Future planetoid">><<endif>>\n<<if $DreamState>><<print " -- Inception artist">><<endif>>\n<<if $Undock>><<print " -- Premature encapsulator">><<endif>>\n<<if $Cloned>><<print " -- Bubble Double">><<endif>>\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n''__Objects Collected__'' <<if $ObjectsFound eq 0>><<print "0">><<else>><<print $ObjectsFound>><<endif>> of 5 \n<<if $ShipGuidePickUp>><<print "The Little Book of Ship Pr0n">><<endif>>\n<<if $MagnoGrapples>><<print "Engineer's Magnetic Clamps">>\n<<print "A Failing Light Stick">><<endif>>\n<<if $EngineerID>><<print "Dead Engineer's ID Card">><<endif>>\n<<if $GasMask>><<print "A Filtered Rebreather Mask">><<endif>>\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n[Click BACK on your browser to return to your game.]

[img[Freddie.jpg]]\n\n"It's the chef's night off, so we're only doing snacks at the moment I'm afraid. We can do you a [[Lirsautton noodle soup|Soup]], a [[Civire salad|Salad]], a [[Mishi Mash|Mash]] or a [[Sebiestor Slab|Slab]]. Do any of those tickle your fancy?"\n\nIf you want to order food, choose from the above food options or say:\n\n[["Can you arrange for me to have some 'company'?"|Company]]\n[["I want to make a complaint."|ComplaintRoomService]]\n\nor:\n\n[[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

The couch seems to have been designed around a park bench aesthetic and smells just as bad. \n\nAlthough there are no obvious stains, there a parts of it that are sticky. \n\nAt either end of the couch, there are some unnecessary looking protuberances masquerading as useful surfaces. They look specifically designed to take chunks out of shins and knees.\n\n -- [[Sit down|SitDown]].\n -- [[Investigate something else|QuartersCentre]].<<stopvideo>>

There is a long delay as you wait for the line to connect, then there is a click and the sound of noisy eating crunches through the intercom speakers.\n\nDo you:\n\n -- [[Say "Hello?"|Hello]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPGuardSmall.jpg]]\n\n"Well I'm terribly sorry about your... inconvenience. There are public toilet facilities in every corridor on the station, you could always use those."\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [[Say: "I suppose that'll have to do. Thanks." and hang up.|Intercom]]\n -- [[Shout: "I can't use the facilities outside this room because I CAN'T OPEN THE &*%@ing DOOR! Biatch!"|ComplaintGetOut]]<<stopvideo>>

You press the tiny reset button with a satisfying click. The door control unit bleeps several times and the readout screen goes blank for a moment before flashing green. \n\nTo your immense pleasure, the door to your quarters slides open with a hiss to reveal a long, dimly lit corridor leading into the bowels of the station. An ominous hum emanates from the distant darkness.\n\nA peculiar smell wafts in.\n\nWill you:\n\n -- [[Step into the shadowy corridor.|ExitCQ]]\n -- [[Shut the door and run back into your room.|QuartersCentre]]\n\n\n\n

You touch the towels and discover they seem less fresh than they first appeared - they're as stiff as card and coated with dust.\n\n<<if $ShipGuidePickUp>>\n -- [[Continue to search the alcove.|Bed]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]\n\n<<else>>\nHowever, within their folds, you find a small book made of actual paper. How quaint.\n\n -- [[Examine the book.|ShipSpottersGuide]]\n -- [[Continue to search the alcove.|Bed]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]\n<<endif>>

Your world shifts and you become the shell.....\n\n .....Anticipation.....\n [img[Dream1.jpg]]\n \n...Fire! Across the dark. Slam!...\n [img[Dream2.jpg]]\n \n...Molten metal tears...\n [img[Dream3.jpg]]\n \n[[...back in the room...|AmmoBins]]\n

The intercom speakers crackle to life and a tinny-voiced recording speaks;\n\n"This is the ''C''apsuleer ''C''are and ''P''rotection line, we aim to fulfil your every need. Which service would you like:\n\n -- [[Press 1 for ROOM SERVICE|RoomService]]\n -- [[Press 2 for CONCIERGE|Concierge]]\n -- [[Press 3 for TECHNICAL SUPPORT|TechSupport]]\n\n -- [[Terminate service.|SingleScreen]]"<<stopvideo>>

''__CREDITS & THANKS__''\n\nAlthough I wrote all the words, designed ''The Broken Capsule'' and fed it into Twine, there's a whole lot of other stuff going on here that was the product of other people's hard work. Folk I would like to thank...\n\n -- The many colourful denizens of the ''EVE community'', many of whom I have made into Easter Eggs somewhere within this adventure.\n\n -- ''The developers - past and present'' - at [[CCP Games|http://www.ccpgames.com/en/home]] for making such an [[inspirational game|http://www.eveonline.com/]] and nurturing such a [["unique" community|http://community.eveonline.com/]].\n\n -- ''Mark Mazzone'' and ''Ashley of Many Names'' for their diligent bug-testing.\n\n -- ''Mart'' for showing me how to do stuff with images. It's easy when you know how.\n\n -- ''PSY CHO'' of [[EVE Outtakes|http://www.eve-outtakes.de/]] for his amusing - and very relevant - art.\n\n -- Leon Arnott from [[Glorious Trainwrecks|http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/blog]] - for making all his CSS code available to bastardise (including the [["Typewriter" macro|http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5161]]).\n\n -- ''dariusk'' at GitHub Gist for the amusing/irritating [[ScreenShake macro|https://gist.github.com/dariusk/4651698]].\n\n -- ''Chris Klimas'' - Author of [[Twine|http://www.gimcrackd.com/etc/src/]], a tool for creating interactive stories.\n\n -- The [[Twine community|https://groups.google.com/forum/?fromgroups#!forum/tweecode]] for making [[so much material|http://aliendovecote.com/?page_id=4047]] [[readily available|http://twinehub.weebly.com/resources.html]] for complete novices to play at game designer.\n\n''Ian Chisholm'' for the [[Clear Skies|http://www.clearskiesthemovie.com/]] machinima movies - still the best fan-made EVE material in existence. [[Go watch ''Clear Skies 3'' on your holoscreen now.|ChangeChannel2]]\n\nCheers folks.\n\nMat\n\nIf you'd like to read more about how and why The Broken Capsule was made, I will be writing about my experimental journey into Twine on [[GameSkinny.|http://www.gameskinny.com/c7r2h/oetta-c1tbc-introduction]]<<stopvideo>>\n\nIf you enjoyed playing Broken Capsule and would like to see more or if you want to show your appreciation, all [[DONATIONS|Donating]] would be gratefully received.

[img[CCPGuardSmall.jpg]]\n\n"I'm sorry you feel that way about the decor, our interior designers spent years working on it and they were insistent that Minmatar trend-setters would die for a crib like that."\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [["I think the trend-setters may have been misheard."|TrendSetters]]\n -- [[Say "Now I think about it, the place does have a certain bohemian appeal. I may as well just 'trust in the rust', eh?" and hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

Hold the fluid router, something's happening! I take it all back, it seems you were right to wait.\n\nThere's fuzziness, sounds, lights...\n\n... looks like it was just terrible loading times all along ...\n\n -- [[Enter your Captain's Quarters|DockingPermissionGranted]]<<stopvideo>>

You hurl yourself over the railings and into the vast emptiness of the starship hangar. Your stomach lurches and the air whistles past tearing at your clothes as the distant hangar floor hurtles closer.\n\nA station security drone appears and matches your descent velocity. \n\nAs it speaks, you realise it's cold, metallic voice will be the last you ever hear.\n\n''"CAPSULEER, YOUR RIGHT TO SUICIDE HAS BEEN RECOGNISED AND THE COST OF THE CLEAN-UP WILL BE DEDUCTED FROM YOUR WALLET BALANCE. THIS FACILITY HEREBY CLAIMS ALL SALVAGE RIGHTS TO ANY RECOVERABLE TISSUES AND ORGANS AFTER IMPACT. PLEASE STATE IF YOU DO NOT AG..."''\n\n[[---GRAB---|GrabDroid]]\n[[---SPLAT---|Splat]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPGuardSmall.jpg]]\n\n"Oh dear, has the door mechanism jammed again? I'll pass your issue on to the Technical Support team. Would you like me to put you through to them or are you happy to leave it with me?"\n\nYour response:\n\n -- [[Shout "Just get it sorted." and hang up.|Intercom]]\n -- [["Put me through to your trained monkey then."|TrainedMonkey]]<<stopvideo>>

This vast hangar is an immense and cavernous feat of massive construction. \n\nBeneath and above you can see the local hover-car traffic zooming along causeways as the millions of station denizens eke out their miserable existences.\n\nStaring out at the myriad of twinkling lights signifying offices, storehouses and accommodations you realise how meaningless everything is. \n\nYou idly wonder where the other space pilots dock their ships, then you spy the distant activity of other vessels to-ing and fro-ing inside the station. It seems you must have snagged the last parking spot and they're forced to do circuits until you clear out. \n\nHaha, losers. Kiss my parking permit.\n\nIt's just a shame there's no ship in the bay and the capsule is broken. Hmmm.\n\nFaced with being trapped forever in your quarters, it occurs to you how it would be easier just to end it all now. \n\nPeering over the edge of your balcony you see the floor of the hangar hundreds of metres below.\n\nWill you: \n\n -- [[Jump and end it all|SuicideThink]].\n -- [[Investigate something else.|OMG]]<<stopvideo>>

"Wow, are you still here? Well maybe we should give you some kind of reward for your staying power. Would you like a reward? Press * to receive your award."\n\n -- [[Continue to Hold.|Hold]]\n -- [[Press * to receive your reward.|HoldReward]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

This digital readout appears to serve as both the atmosphere controls for your quarters and an intercom for ordering room service and contacting the concierge.\n\nWould you like to:\n\n -- [[Use the atmosphere controls.|AtmosphereControls]]\n -- [[Use the intercom.|Intercom]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

You rummage around inside your trousers to detach the magnetic clamps from from the droid's chassis, then push off, floating serenely away from the drone as it says ''"ALL CHARGES STILL APPLY..."'' before you hurtle out of earshot and shatter into a messy smear at the bottom of the hangar.\n\n[[Is this the end?|Splat]]<<stopvideo>>

"All of our operators are still busy - apparently it's all kicking off in Fountain and they want a bite of the action. Your call apparently isn't as important as we first claimed. Lolz."\n\n -- [[Continue to Hold.|Hold3]]\n -- [[Press # to file a support ticket.|http://community.eveonline.com/support/support-tickets/]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

"Apparently there was one guy still covering the phones - he wasn't invited on the op - but he must be in the lav. Or dead. Either way, he's not picking up. I'd give up if I were you."\n\n -- [[Continue to Hold.|Hold4]]\n -- [[Press # to file a support ticket.|http://community.eveonline.com/support/support-tickets/]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

"You're a tenacious bugger aren't you. Good luck."\n\n -- [[Continue to Hold.|Hold5]]\n -- [[Press # to file a support ticket.|http://community.eveonline.com/support/support-tickets/]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

"All of our operators are currently busy, please consider opening a support ticket by pressing #, or continue to hold."\n\n -- [[Continue to Hold.|Hold6]]\n -- [[Press # to file a support ticket.|http://community.eveonline.com/support/support-tickets/]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

"All of our operators are currently busy, please consider opening a support ticket by pressing #, or continue to hold."\n\n -- [[Continue to Hold.|Hold7]]\n -- [[Press # to file a support ticket.|http://community.eveonline.com/support/support-tickets/]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

"All of our operators are currently busy, please consider opening a support ticket by pressing #, or continue to hold."\n\n -- [[Continue to Hold.|Hold8]]\n -- [[Press # to file a support ticket.|http://community.eveonline.com/support/support-tickets/]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

It is no easy feat to scale the slick wall, but with some effort you manage to do so, squeezing yourself into the dark, foul-smelling shaft.\n\nYou can't help but question your sanity; you've experienced extended capsule outings with leaky waste pipes that were more pleasant--and less cramped--than this.\n\nDo you:\n\n -- [[See sense and jump down to investigate something more comfortable.|AmmoBins]]\n -- [[Crawl further into the shaft.|Shaft1]]<<stopvideo>>

[img[Freddie.jpg]]\n\n"Ooh, you're a brave one. I can never get used to the idea of eating live insects with my noodles. Still, those Jin-Mei are a funny bunch. To each, their own.\n\nYour Lirsautton noodle soup will be right up."\n\nWith that, the line goes dead.\n\n -- [[Back to the intercom menu.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>\n

''WELL DONE, YOU GOT THROUGH __THE DOOR__.''\n\nIt slams shut behind you, leaving you in the dim, foreboding dark corridor. Finally you see the sense in having such a grubby Captain's Quarters. The rest of the station looks like such a total hole, your room was in fact a clever form of acclimatisation to prevent culture shock. Logic in the madness indeed.\n\nIn any case, you are finally free of your claustrophic and content-free Captain's Quarters and are all set to roam the rest of the station...\n<<if $GasMask eq false>>\n\n...Oh wait, what's that strange, agonising sensation in your lungs. It feels like you might be allergic to the atmosphere after all.\n\nCurse you Trebor... curse you...\n\nYOU ARE DEAD.\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n''TITLE EARNED: //__QuafePants Superbug victim__ - the ultimate loser//''\n\n[[ -- TRY AGAIN --\n|Start2]]<<if $QPDeath eq false>><<set $QPDeath = true>><<set $Losses = $Losses + 1>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>><<endif>>\n<<if $GasMask>>\nNow suffer the agonising wait for more content that will take us forever to develop. If it's any consolation, know that ''//__you are supremely full of the most awesome winsauce and are champion of all that is texty.__//'' \n\nGo tell your friends how great you are. Preferably outside, in the sunshine. Maybe get some exercise whilst you're there. You deserve it.\n\nCONGRATULATIONS! YOU WIN!\n\n''THE END''\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n''TITLE EARNED: //__Captain's Quarters Escapee__//''<<if $UltimateWinner eq false>><<set $UltimateWinner = true>><<set $Wins = $Wins + 1>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>>\n\nCheck your "SCORE" in the side bar to see if you've won all the things.\n\nIf not: [[--TRY AGAIN--|Start2]]\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nP.S. We would have rewarded you with a stunningly clever victory song like in Portal but as you know, EVE doesn't have sound.\n\nP.P.S. But feel free to whistle along to the orchestral version of "All Which Was Lost Has Now Been Regained" if you like. Treat yourself, you deserve it.\n\nSee you in ''"EVE Online: The Text Adventure, Chapter 2: The Mystery of Soundwave's Beard (working title)"''\n\nThanks for reading. Please read through [[the credits|Credits]] to see all the awesome people who contributed (albeit unknowingly) to this project.\n\nDrop us a line on >[[this article on ''GameSkinny''|http://www.gameskinny.com/amabp/eotta-c1tbc-winners]]< to let us know you're a winner and to tell us what you thought.\n\nOh, and HTFU.\n\nCheers\n\nMat Westhorpe/Seismic Stan\nThe Author\n<<playbgm OMa5wBt0RXQ>>\n[End theme music ''"All Which Was Lost Has Now Been Regained"'' composed by ''CCP RealX'' (Jon Hallur) and performed by The ''Iceland Symphony Orchestra''.] \n<<endif>>

You begin walking down the ramp. Your footsteps make an impressively authentic metallic noise as you walk. You are walking very slowly.\n\nWhat would you like to do now?\n\n -- [[Continue on to the doorway below.|WalkDown2]]\n -- [[Walk more quickly.|NoRun]]\n -- [[Give up and go back to the balcony.|OMG]]

Any tampering with this station door button generates the message:\n\n[img[StationAtmosphere.jpg]]\n\nWhat kind of hellish contaminant could possibly still be a problem after all this time?\n\n -- [[Investigate something else|QuartersCentre]].<<stopvideo>>\n\n

Struggling to gain purchase on the slippery narrow surfaces, you clatter from wall to wall, accumulating more slime and moisture on your clothes and skin as you do so.\n\n<<if $CeilingHole eq false>>\nThe humming noise is just up ahead as you round a corner. Blades of light slice the oily dark from beneath.\n\n -- [[Continue toward the humming noise.|FollowHum]]\n -- [[Turn back.|ShaftJunction]]\n\n<<else>>\nAs your turn a corner, you are greeted with the view of your quarters through the new ceiling feature you "designed".\n\nThe humming noise emanates from a common air-scrubber unit, now revealed by the damage you inflicted, which is likely responsible for preventing the stench from infiltrating into your quarters. Thankfully seems to have survived your restructuring work, although how effective it will be now the airflow has been interrupted remains to be seen.\n\n -- [[Jump down onto the couch.|Couch]]\n -- [[Head back.|ShaftJunction]]\n<<endif>><<stopvideo>>

>>>>>>>>>''---- FACILITIES ----''\n>>>>>>>>> __CORPORATE SUITES__\n\nOur state-of-the-art facilities accommodate the needs of all manner of organisations.\n\nFrom intimate diplomacy suites and private boardrooms to presentation auditoria and event arenas, your corporation and alliance needs can be met. \n\nPublic conferences currently taking place are as follows:\n\n''Anthophila Suite:'' [[A discussion on journalistic ethics|http://themittani.com/]]\n''The Asimov Rooms:'' [[Faking it with style|http://backstage.eve-inspiracy.com/]]\n''Grassroots Suite:'' [[The mob mentality|http://eveblogs.net/]]\n''Rio Grande Suite:'' [[Tenacity versus talent: an overview|http://evenews24.com/]]\n''Smoky Bay Suite:'' [[Analysing Crowd Control|https://forums.eveonline.com/]]\n''EntroX Memorial Suite:'' [[Responsible waste disposal|http://failheap-challenge.com/]]\n''Voldemort Suite:'' [[Naming conventions|http://www.kugutsumen.com/forum.php]]\n\n\nVisit one of our Corporate Facilities Liaison offices on decks 14A, 38A, 68C, 137B and 181A.\n>>>>>>>> ----------------------------\n>>>>>>>> [[Return to facilities menu|WhatToDo]]\n>>>>>>>> ----------------------------\nor:\n\n[[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

It is dark...\n\n...and wet...\n\n...and it tastes a bit funny.\n\nSomething seems wrong.\n\nYou should probably give this some thought.\n\n -- [[Click here to give it some thought.|Realisation]]<<stopvideo>>

''YOU WIN!*''\n\nSitting down on the mundane-looking sofa imbues you with an overwhelming sense of achievement as you successfully discover the ''//Secret Animation of Sitting//''. \n\nNow you can enjoy your victory by looking around your quarters from a slightly different perspective, resplendent on your couch and confident that you are the baddest dude in the room.\n\n[*Granted, it's not much of a victory, but it's the closest thing the Captain's Quarters has got to gameplay - or at least an Easter Egg - even to this day.]\n\n--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\n''TITLE EARNED: //__Lazy Bastard__ - sort-of-a-winner in a sedentary "is that it?" kind of way.//''<<if $LazyBastard eq false>><<set $LazyBastard = true>><<set $Wins = $Wins + 1>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>>\n\n[[Remain seated to enjoy your victory|EVEOuttakes]] or [[ get up and do something else.|QuartersCentre]]

Where your eyes fail you in the darkness, your other senses compensate. \n\nMainly your nose.\n\nThe disgusting breeze leaves you in no doubt which direction smells wrong and which smells less so, but the squelching of your hands and knees on the ooze-slick surfaces is also an indicator.\n\n -- [[Continue stinkwards.|ShaftJunction]]\n -- [[Head toward the shaft exit.|ShaftExit]]<<stopvideo>>

You are standing in the doorway of your Captain's Quarters. Above the opening is the symbol of the corporation claiming ownership of this station. Despite the obvious security issues and the aforementioned draught, there doesn't seem to be any way of closing the door. \n\nLooking in through the doorway you can see a dingily-lit [[Minmatar|http://freebooted.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/mark726s-eve-lore-survival-guide_12.html]]-themed bedsit. Looking back out of the doorway you see the alloy ramp leading up to the balcony and beyond to your waiting ship.\n\nWhat would you like to do:\n\n -- [[Head up the ramp toward the balcony.|WalkUp1]]\n -- [[Enter your Captain's Quarters.|QuartersCentre]]

Trying to keep your wits and your bearings, you slither uncomfortably into a slightly less claustrophobic area of rancorous shadow and sense multiple directions are available.\n\n -- [[Move toward the vague light emanating from your quarters.|Shaft1]]\n -- [[Head into the stinking breeze.|Shaft2]]\n -- [[Follow a faint humming sound.|Shaft3]]<<stopvideo>>

''--- PLANETARY INTERACTION INTERFACE ---''\n\nYou watch with satisfaction as your security forces deploy ground troops, mobile gunships and hovertanks. Within seconds the entire picket line is eviscerated in a hail of gloriously over-the-top weapons fire.\n\nYou briefly wonder why this ability wasn't included in DUST 514 as originally promised.\n\nA message arrives from your planetary affairs supervisor:\n\n''"Protest eradicated. Staff redistribution in progress. Planetary goods production resuming shortly."''\n\n -- [[Examine another holoscreen.|Holoscreens]]\n -- [[Investigate something else.|QuartersCentre]]<<stopvideo>>

Panic decision reversal!\n\nYour flailing limbs instinctively grab out at the drone as the floor hurtles closer. Your fingers desperately seek purchase on its smooth metallic chassis, but alas, your wind-numbed finger-tips fail you...\n\n<<if $MagnoGrapples>> \n...but by sheer luck, the engineer's magno-clamps acquired earlier activate from inside your pocket, pinning you to the drone's body.\n\n''"ALERT! ALERT!"'' the drone complains, ''"INERTIA ERROR. IMPACT IMMINENT. RECALCULATING."''\n\nAs the drone compensates for your weight and brings its descent under control, you clamber more securely onto the hull of the man-sized machine. As you begin to ascend once more, the drone speaks;<<set $ascent = 4>>\n\n''"YOUR RIGHT TO SUICIDE HAS NOT BEEN EXERCISED HOWEVER CLEAN-UP COSTS WILL STILL BE CHARGED. YOU WILL BE RETURNED TO YOUR QUARTERS PENDING PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION."''\n\nSay:\n -- [["I'm not paying for clean-up. There's no mess!"|NoMess]]\n -- [["I don't need a psychiatrist, you need a lawyer. Those quarters are a deathtrap."|Lawyer]]\n -- [["Could you drop me off on the lower capsule platform? I need to fix my pod."|DropOff]]\n\nor:\n -- [[Wait silently to be returned to your quarters.|ReturntoBalcony]]\n -- [[Jump again|JumpAgain]]\n\n<<else>>\n... and the drone observes dispassionately as you fall away. You watch your last chance of survival disappear upwards as its descent slows in contrast to your rapidly accelerating [[plummet of death.|Splat]]\n<<endif>><<stopvideo>>

[img[CCPGuardSmall.jpg]]\n\n"I'm very sorry about that sir. I will get onto Room Service right away and get them to send you some complimentary cuisine. Please call back if there are any further issues."\n\nWith that, Svenni terminates the call.\n\n -- [[Return to intercom menu.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

"TROLOLOLOL. There is no reward. Sucker. Stay on the line for more amazing entertainment or kiss my wormhole."\n\n -- [[Continue to Hold.|Hold]]\n -- [[Press # to file a support ticket.|http://community.eveonline.com/support/support-tickets/]]\n -- [[Hang up.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>

Up close, the hydrostatic capsule is a creation of both beauty and horror. Its shimmering cowling is splayed open before you like a technological venus flytrap willing you to be consumed by it's invasive embrace.\n\nIt whispers promises of power, freedom and an incredibly clean colon.<<if $ShipGuidePickUp and $CheckPod>>With the capsule docked in its inverted configuration, the damaged thruster housing is inconveniently at the upper-most point, with no easy access. \n\nYou can see the damage from here, but reaching it will be a challenge.<<endif>>\n<<if ($CheckPod eq false) and ($ShipGuidePickUp eq true)>>\nAs impressive as your pod is, it's earlier malfunction means that something is amiss. Perhaps there will be some guidance in The Little Book of Ship Pr0n.\n\nWill you:\n\n -- [[Look up your capsule's schematic in The Little Book of Ship Pr0n|FixPod]]<<endif>>\n -- [[Attempt to climb the pod hull.|ClimbPod]]\n -- [[Enter the capsule.|EnterPod]]\n -- [[Climb up the steps leading back onto the main balcony.|ClimbSteps]]<<stopvideo>>

<<if $climbup eq false>>Returning to your capsule is probably a good idea; your head keeps itching and you can't shake the feeling you're wading through treacle. \n\nUnlike this turgid experience, out in space you will be free to tap-dance among the stars and scratch itches with weapons of mass destruction.<<endif>><<set $climbup = false>>\nYou now stand at the top of the steps leading down to your awaiting capsule. Cloudy tendrils of gas roil invitingly from the open pod cowling. Beside you on the railing you notice an inconspicuous sign with three gently glowing chevrons.\n\nWhat will you do now?\n\n -- [[Return to the centre of the balcony.|OMG]]\n -- [[Climb down the steps.|NoRun]]\n -- [[Investigate the glowing chevrons.|BlackOut]]<<stopvideo>>

Are you sure? It's a long way down and this could hurt. \n\nWhat if you change your mind half-way down? You'll feel really silly.\n\n -- [[I've thought this through and this is what I want. Avatar gameplay is not for me.|HangarJump]]\n -- [[Perhaps I should go think things through in my quarters.|OMG]]<<stopvideo>>

Both boxes of cereal have been opened. The box of Oasa Oats is empty, but the other still contains some very stale-looking Stoffler Flakes.\n\nA joke on the side of the packet reads, "Why don't carnivores play EVE Online? Because they're making it into a serial."\n\nWhilst hoping that somewhere in New Eden, a writer is choking to death on some cornflakes, will you continue to [[search the alcove|Bed]] or [[investigate something else|QuartersCentre]].

<<if $Undock eq false>><<set $Undock = true>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>>You step into the pilot compartment and the air becomes taught with energy, you feel a tingling all over as [[you black out...|Pod]]

[img[Freddie.jpg]]\n\n"Ooh, in the mood for protein are you? I can sort you right out. You can't beat a good bit of meat inside you, eh?\n\nIt'll be right up there."\n\nWith that, the line goes dead.\n\n -- [[Back to the intercom menu.|Intercom]]<<stopvideo>>\n\n

YOU WIN!<<if $Undock eq false>><<set $Undock = true>><<set $Wins = $Wins + 1>><<set $TitlesEarned = $TitlesEarned + 1>><<endif>>\n\nYou reach out, touch the chevrons and instantly black out. Suddenly you sense you are back in your capsule and are undocking.\n\nCongratulations, you are now [[Flying in Space.|http://trial.eveonline.com/]]\n\nPlease minimise this window and consult the FiS interface in order to continue flying in space or click [[here|DockingPermissionGranted]] to dock again.